How do you know when the political circus has hit town? When you see a court victory headline featuring Donald Trump. Not a great guy winning a Nobel Peace Prize or setting a world record for most humane treatment of microwaved popcorn—no, it’s about winning over a veterans’ organization. Because that’s what America is all about, right? Forget apple pie. Give your grandpappy’s medals to the hairpiece.

So, Trump wins in court. Let that sink in. We’ve got a man who once went bankrupt running a casino who now apparently has the luck of a thousand four-leaf clovers sprinkled with unicorn fur. Let’s not kid ourselves. This guy makes Teflon look like Velcro. Which brings me to Michigan. Ah, Michigan—home of Motown and the art of confusing indecisive voters.

Speaking of Michigan, let’s not forget who else is in the picture. Gretchen Whitmer, the governor who probably has a shrine dedicated to her in every pharmacy, thanks to how much aspirin people buy after hearing her name. Seriously, you say “Gretchen Whitmer” and boom, instant migraine. It’s like her name is a medical condition.

So, they’re fighting over Voter Registration laws. Picture this: Trump vs. Voter Registration Laws. This is like watching Godzilla wrestle a filing cabinet. You know, because one is a monstrous force of chaos and the other is, well, utterly boring but somehow important. Trump’s idea of fairness in voter registration is probably having his fans fill out ballots at a MAGA rally—by tossing them into a giant popcorn machine and hoping they fill out the forms correctly.

Meanwhile, poor Gretchen is probably sitting at her desk, surrounded by legal documents and Tylenol, trying to figure out which voter registration law Trump thinks is unfair. Maybe he didn’t like the font. You know, Times New Roman is too elitist or something.

So Trump wins. Hoo-boy! I imagine him sitting there smirking like he’s just solved a Rubik’s Cube. Well, bravo, sir. Bravo. What’s next? Is he going to argue that spelling bees discriminate against Twitter users?

Let’s put aside the courtroom drama and pan over to the main event: Trump and veterans. The idea that Trump is standing up for veterans is like me standing up for ballet dancers. You don’t want that. Trust me. His support for veterans is about as genuine as a three-dollar bill with Elon Musk’s face on it. This is the guy who thinks bravery is what happens when you face a cheeseburger larger than your head.

Remember when Trump looked at John McCain, a guy who actually got captured, and said he liked people who weren’t captured? Sure, because war is just like a game of hide-and-seek. If Trump had been in charge of Finding Nemo, he’d still be looking for him!

I say, how about we stop the charade and get back to what really matters—like, I don’t know, making sure veterans get their benefits without having to jump through more hoops than a circus poodle. Just imagine a vet coming back from serving overseas, thinking he’s going to be treated with respect, but gets stuck in a never-ending game of bureaucratic Whac-A-Mole. Every time they get close to solving one issue, another one pops up.

But no, let’s focus on lawsuit victories. Because what says “honoring our veterans” more than spending time in court? You know, where the judge is probably contemplating a career change to taste-testing dog food for a living just to escape the madness.

To all the veterans out there, I’m sorry. Truly. You deserve better than being used as pawns in this political chess game where the pieces are as useful as a chocolate teapot.

In the meantime, Trump can pop the champagne and pretend this is some monumental triumph. Whatever helps you sleep at night, pal. Just know that while you’re busy celebrating, the real heroes are out there wondering why the country they served is more interested in courtroom dramas than giving them the dignity and respect they deserve.

So here we are, folks. Trump scores another courtroom drama victory. Cue the applause, roll credits, and don’t forget to tune in next week for the next episode of “How Low Can You Go?”. Spoiler: it’s a bottomless pit. But hey, at least it’s entertaining, right?

Source: Donald Trump Wins Court Victory Over Veterans’ Organization

The post When Trump Winning In Court Makes You Miss Root Canals first appeared on DEMOCRAWONK.