You know, every day I wake up, look at the news and wish I could crawl back into bed. But instead, I spit out my coffee and decide to tell you good people what the heck is happening out there. But lemme tell you, this latest episode in America’s reality TV show has truly taken the cake, the bakery, and the entire Great British Bake Off. So gather ’round, folks, because we’re diving head-first into the rabbit hole of whether Citizenship is a birthright or if Trump’s decided it’s a limited-time offer.

First off, birthright citizenship. Sounds pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? You’re born here, congratulations! You’re one of us now. But no, no, no, it can’t be that simple. Simple is for suckers. We’re America! We like things convoluted and tied up with enough red tape to gift wrap Godzilla.

Now, Trump’s got his eyes on the 14th Amendment like he’s about to flip it on eBay for a gold-plated golf cart. This amendment, for those keeping score at home, grants citizenship to anyone born on U.S. soil. Easy-peasy, right? Nope, hold on to your hats and glasses. Trump thinks this whole birthright thing was just a rough draft, and he’s got his red pen out to make some edits.

I bet he’s sitting in Mar-a-Lago, scratching his head, probably thinking, “Maybe if we just, like, ax this whole sentence about citizenship, we can finally get rid of those pesky… Constitutionally-entitled Americans.” The guy’s approach to laws is like someone on Yelp leaving one-star reviews on restaurants they’ve never been to—unhinged and unsettling.

Let’s be clear here. Trump’s insane. Look, I’ve seen waffle makers that follow the Constitution better than this guy. He’s inspired by crackpot ideas that even crackpots ignore! Someone should remind him the Constitution isn’t a DIY project on HGTV.

We’re talking about the cornerstone of what it means to be an American. The 14th Amendment’s not the IKEA Billy bookcase you can redo whenever it suits your color scheme. Yet here we are, contemplating citizenship like we’re picking teams for dodgeball.

If Trump had his way, Birthright Citizenship would be posted one nightstand down from Bigfoot on Craigslist—mythical and eternally debated. He probably dreamt this up between rounds of golf and episodes of Shark Tank. This is the same guy who thinks windmills cause cancer. At this point, I’d be less surprised if he claimed he could abolish gravity because it messes with his hair.

What’s next? Passports sold at 7-Eleven? Citizenship lotteries? Spin the wheel, folks, for your chance to be an American! It’s ludicrous. For a guy with a golden parachute, he sure is eager to pull the ripcord on legal mainstays that make this country what it is.

I mean, where does it end? Are we going to revise the Bill of Rights with emojis? If he’s got his way, we might as well replace “America the Beautiful” with Nickelback’s greatest hits.

Hey, if I wanted to live in a country where your luck at birth didn’t shape your entire life experience, I’d move to… well, I was going to say Canada, but they’re busy putting disclaimers on maple syrup saying “Please don’t use this as a metaphor for national goodness.”

We’ve got enough problems here. Forget playing judge, jury, and Constitution editor. How about you fix something less open to interpretation? Like potholes! Or, I don’t know, science! Stop turning political discourse into a fever dream.

This whole mess is just another distraction, another fog machine to fill the stage while the magician preps his next act of bewildering futility. The 14th Amendment isn’t up for grabs, and it sure as hell isn’t a magic trick. It’s legally binding, and it’s about time we treat it that way.

What if someone told Trump you could rewrite the laws of physics with a sharpie? I swear, he’d be chugging down Red Bull, permanently decimating the laws of thermodynamics. And don’t get me started on climate change—he’d probably say it’s a hoax cooked up by the penguins to get more screen time on Planet Earth.

So, whether you’re born under the bright neon lights of Las Vegas or the rusty skies of Pittsburgh, you’re an American. No if, and, or orange ranters about it. Let’s leave our Constitution alone and spend more time worrying about things that actually matter—like how the heck do we get out of this current political Twilight Zone.

If Trump catches wind of this, he’ll probably try to trademark the word “America” next and we’ll all have to pay royalties every time we sing the national anthem. So buckle up, folks, because this ride shows no sign of slowing down.

Source: Is Citizenship a Birthright? Maybe Not if Trump Gets His Way | Opinion

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