The New York Times just broke a story publishing a list of 49 questions the Mueller investigation would like Donald Trump to answer. The questions are a result of negotiations between the Special Counsel’s team and Trump’s lawyers. Discussions that came to an end when lead Trump lawyer John Dowd was fired resigned from the position. The questions were provided orally to the Trump lawyers who wrote them down and presumably are the source of the leak.

The questions are highly specific and center on Donald Trump’s knowledge about how certain decisions were made and what Donald Trump knew. They seem to be focused on whether or not Trump has Obstructed Justice. While I want those questions answered and have no doubt that Trump has obstructed justice, laundered money, paid illegal bribes to foreign countries, violated FEC laws regarding contributions (paid off women he had affairs with to aid his election effort) and of course conspired with Russia. The 49 questions cited by the times aren’t really the ones I want to be answered. I want him to answer these:

1. What is your reading level? I’ve seen you struggle with documents, sounding out words and showing off your Hooked On Phonics skills but can you read at better than a 5th-grade level? Inquiring minds want to know.
2. Are you disappointed that even though you got to be President, you can never be a made man because you’re not Italian? Hanging out with mobsters half your life and always being shut out when the big meetings were held and the real decisions made, had to hurt.
3. Who does your hair? Normally the stylist to the President would try to capitalize on the fame and build their business based on their relationship with you. In this case, there’s a Nondisclosure Agreement (NDA) requiring you never to reveal their name and expose them to shame.
4. Do you pick out your own clothes? You’re allegedly a rich man, you can do better than those ugly coats and super long ties. Maybe you’re trying to distract from that gut but it’s not really working.
5. What’s up with your fixation with women that look like your daughter and why do you tell your women that? In a related question, do you ask them to call you Daddy?
6. What do you and Melania talk about when you’re alone? Of course, it’s possible you have an arrangement where you are never alone together? Separate bedrooms and all. Here’s a tip; stop trying to hold her hand in public. It’s clear she’s not feeling you.
7. When you lie (which is all the time), do you realize you’re lying or just not care? Your lies aren’t even good at the moment and certainly don’t age well. You are the exception to the rule that, “The Truth Will Set You Free!” In your case, the truth will lock you up?
8. You know Barack’s is bigger right? That’s gonna haunt you the rest of your life that you’ll never be the man he is, in every meaning of the word.
9. What did Omarosa do in the White House? I’d say something about her lack of knowledge about any policy matter but I forgot that would make you equal.
10. While we’re on your black sycophants, what’s the deal with the black guy with the sign and t-shirt at all your rallies and how much do you pay Diamond and Silk, Pastor Mark Burns and Dr. Darrell Scott? Whatever it is it isn’t enough unless the price for selling your soul has really gone down.
11. How well do you think you’ll do in jail and would you rather be in the same prison or different prisons than Donald Jr and Jared?
12. How does the President of the United States end up with the worst lawyers of all the people in the White House that had to lawyer up? Maybe you should have looked a little further than Fox News for applicants?