Multiple news outlets are saying you might have secretly taped people in the White House and you’re now trying to find a lawyer to either;
- Protect you if you get called as a witness by the Special Counsel
- Negotiate a book deal
- Fend off lawsuits from your former
friends’associates
What you need now isn’t a lawyer. You need Jesus!
Suggesting you have audiotapes has put you smack dab in the middle of the Mueller Investigation, Italian Mob, Russian Mob, White Supremacists, and the Religious Right (In some cases also white supremacists). Which of them do you really want coming for you?
Your best bet would be the Mueller Investigation because they will probably only come for you with subpoenas although in case you forgot. You’re still black. You’ll have to spend over $100K on that lawyer and if you lie, even if just to promote your next project, you’re going to jail. You may also have forgotten. YOU DO NOT HAVE A JOB! Maybe they can take up a special collection for you at your new husband’s church but I suspect they really aren’t feeling you like that.
Maybe you aren’t old enough to remember that Trump has been associated with the Italian mob since his early days as a New York real estate developer. They’ve been overshadowed by their Russian counterparts but Trump has been busy taking care of his friends since assuming office. He fired all the US Attorneys and personally interviewed the ones he wants to take their place in the New York Districts. He turned the whole focus of the Justice Department towards black people, legal marijuana users, and rivals MS-13. They don’t want you messing up their good thing and removing you might be the easiest fix for their problem.
The Russian mob (not distinguishable from the Russian government) has billions of dollars tied up because of US sanctions they’re depending on Trump to remove. They need Trump to be around long enough to do that and they don’t play.
White Supremacist now have a hero in the White House, saying out loud that, “all Haitians have AIDS,” and “Nigerians won’t go back to their huts.” And that was just a couple weeks ago. All along he’s been trying to ban Muslims, deport the Mexicans who only sent us “their criminals and rapists.” You think they’ll let you be responsible for taking down their Kommander-in-Chief?
The Religous Right doesn’t really like Trump any more than anyone else. He’s put them in a position of supporting a heathen that cavorts with porn stars and had everyone scrambling through their bibles looking for, “Two Corinthians.” What they do want is an orderly transition to their preferred choice, Mike Pence, who he and they believe is, “on a mission from God!” If they think you have any tea on Pence, it’s you they’ll be coming for.
I’m not mad at you Omarosa for trying to figure out a way to come out on top after your embarrassing dismissal from the White House. You got too comfortable and forgot who you were for a minute which could happen to anyone. Now let’s try to keep you alive the next year and maybe you’ll get to write that book after all, although you should probably think hard about leaving out some parts. I need you to run, not walk, to the nearest microphone and announce, “I don’t have any tapes!” Send a signal to everyone that you aren’t going to expose anyone and it was all just a big misunderstanding. Maybe they can even find you a little cash for your trouble? Trump’s attorney set up an L.L.C. to pay off a porn star ($130,000), surely what you know is worth something.
In summary, deny the tapes, lay low, keep quiet, and accept anything they offer you. Kenny Rogers sang, “you got to know when to fold ’em… know when to walk away… know when to run!”
