THANKSGIVING. President Obama pardons his final turkey, makes lots of dad jokes: “When somebody at your table tells you that you’ve been hogging all the side dishes, you can’t have anymore, I hope you respond with a creed that sums of the spirit of the hungry people: Yes we cran.”

JO BRO. Joe Jonas likes to get kinky: “It’s definitely fun when you bring some whips and leather and whatever you may be into – a little bit of S&M – into the bedroom.”

DR. STABBY. Ben Carson has accepted post as HUD Secretary: “The announcement didn’t come from Donald Trump nor from the Trump transition team, but from Armstrong Williams, Dr. Ben Carson’s on-again, off-again, on-again top advisor and spokesperson: The retired pediatric neurosurgeon has accepted the president-elect’s offer to become his nominee for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, according to the Wall Street Journal.”

WHITE SHEETS. On the connection between racism and homophobia inside the KKK: “Klan doctrines have expanded to give virulent antigay hate a more prominent place than in years past, and these groups have been violently anti-abortion since at least the 1990s. In this, the Klan is only mirroring the mainstream right wing, but also maintaining its old role as moral arbiter. The hate incidents at the SPLC have anti-LGBTQ violence as the third largest category. The Klan of the 1920s presented itself as the enforcer of moral doctrine, punishing adulterous wives and alcoholic husbands alongside waging its war on the lives, bodies, and civil rights of African-Americans and other minorities. Attacking “sinful” queers is of a piece with this.”

THE HEAT. These New Taipei firefighters will make you feel the thirst.

5150 HOLD. New report says Kanye West wasn’t admitted to the hospital against his will. 

ALLY. Chris Evans talks about how his gay brother influenced his activism: “It’s important to understand, whether it’s growing up with women, whether it’s growing up with other ethnic groups, it’s important to experience anything different from what you know. To encourage and cultivate compassion and understanding,” Chris told TheFIX. “So certainly growing up with women helped me, but growing up in the theatre helped me, growing up in a progressive community helped me. I think it’s really important to put faces to the situations that we’re navigating as society.”

WHAT’S YOUR DAMAGE, HEATHER? Shannon Doherty makes a cameo on the TV reboot of The Heathers.

APROPOS. Jim Parsons has a new show about the British monarchy that sounds a lot like the election: “The comedy, developed on spec and scoring a script commitment from Freeform, centers on the Monarchy of Andova, which is thrust into disarray when the king’s newly discovered illegitimate son is named as the rightful heir to the throne, effectively seizing the title from the king’s daughter, who has prepared her entire life to become the nation’s first reigning queen.”

A VERY TRUMP CHRISTMAS. This MAGA ornament can be yours for only $250: “Get in the Christmas spirit with your very own Make America Great Again Red Cap Collectible Ornament,” Trump’s website encourages. “Made of brass and finished in 14 karat gold, this ornament is sure to make any tree stand out.”

HUMP DAY HOTTIE. Sonny E. Ortiz.

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