© ERIN THE CAT PRINCESS

OK. Just need to check everything is in order....

Music phonograph? Yup

On/off switch? Hmmm wheres the on/off switch? can't see it anywhere!

Hang on theres no power lead either, no wonder it won't work. I know it's supposed to have a rechargeable power supply but there should at least be somewhere to plug it!

Bloomin' travelling phonograph salesman swore this was the latest in self contained Eco friendly Mega Woofer sound systems. Will be the envy of all my neighbours he said, come from far and wide to stare, he said. Hah! I'll be the laughing stock more like if I can't turn it on.

Clearly this entails a moment of careful thought and the clear insight of a honed expert in the field of electrical equipment management. If I settle myself down on this nice soft round rubber mat I should have an answer..... *yawns*

Sometime later.....

........ *yawns* in no time. Now where was I?

Ooh the new sound system. Right.

OK, so clearly I need to get a handle on the situation so I shall call in my trusted adviser...

OK maybe not trusted, I mean when it comes to things electrical stuff this peep is as safe to hang on to as a lightning rod in a storm!

Hmm, and maybe adviser is too strong a word too.

I mean I tend to listen, at times, then pick the least offence and most ridiculous option and do the complete opposite. Never fails, in fact why I pay an adviser I don't know!

Whats that ol' peep?

You don't get paid you say?

Well If I'd have known that I'd have given you a 100% pay rise. Still in the current recession I think you should be grateful for having that garden shed roof over your head. Keeps the rain off.

If you're good, Santa may even bring you the walls and floor too! Though I must insist you do extra chores before we splash out on a door. Now you can't say fairer than that!

When I said get a handle on it, peep, ol' dude, I didn't mean get a handle....

Hang on, by any chance is that the starter crank handle from the Bentley? Ive been looking for that for ages. Where did you find it?

In the nip patch you say. Well well well, I wonder how it got there?

ME!

Surely not I, I mean....

Ah. Now you come to mention it, I think I did.

Yes I recall now, I thought it would be a good way to make the nip crop grow quicker. Give them a good start in life is what the gardening experts always say you should do for seedlings and that there is a starter. And if you look at the results I think you'll agree that they've started very well!

Whats that you say ol' mildewy one? They're weeds you say. Mint, and NOT nip!

Well I know they're Mint, I'm not one for buying second hand nip plants. And they did come in a new packet that said Mint on it.

Nope, the travelling mint sales man assured me they were the best quality, MINT Natural Om Tibetan Nip. NOT Nip he said, with super cool relaxing qualities without the side effects. Apparently you can party all night with this NOT Nip and still be fresh come lights out at dawn. I mean what more can a party animal ask for?

You see I'm not just a pretty face! No ma'am, and I got a massive deal and bought the whole lot and planted a few everywhere.

Looks like well be able to corner the NOT Nip market in a couple of weeks for the UK, and maybe the world by........ a week next Sunday!

Anyways, you still haven't explained ol' green fly covered one, why you have the starting handle in your paws. You've not been planning to go shopping on your own for potatoes again. How many times have I told you since the incident with the penny farthing, the Brussels sprouts and the guide dog, and a really tasteless kilt, you have been banned from the village store. In fact I heard tell they're putting up braille posters of you just in case you try to raid the post office!

Whats that you say? It winds the record player? REALLY!

OK well seeing is believing, crank away ol' Palace cranker!

* Clockwork winding sound*

Well I'm waiting, and thus far we have lots of crank and very little action! Are you sure you haven't lowered the undercarriage by mistake?

Look, if you can't sort it I'll have a go. It can't be too difficult if a human invented it.... OK strike that, it is probably way TOO complicated, after all you peeps have opposable thumbs!

Hmm I wonder what happens if I press that little lever there, like thus........ *CLICK*

Ooh, I can feel things vibrating and.... and.... and...

Oh heck the rooms starting to spin, oh my head! Oh my tummy! I swear I'll not touch another drop of that home brew nip wine ever again!

LET ME OFF....... *YEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWW.......THUD*

Oh my giddy aunt, now that was a listening experience I don't ever want to repeat again.

No wonder those radio stations professional jockeys, but if those machines are like this one you'd have thought a rodeo rider would have been far more apt!





I do feel that this whole music business is just far too dangerous and over rated. I think next time I'll stick with the radio and just phone in my requests. In fact I'll do it now....

Hello, Operator? Yes hello, this is The Palace.

Yes THAT Palace! Is there any other?

Oh well of course her Majesty ER II does have one too, but this is the next Palace on the list. Yes, I know about the rest, but they don't count. Now, my good man, will you put me through to Alexander Palace, home of the BBC.

WHAT! What do your mean they've moved! Hmm bet its all down to the recession and downsizing because of the kids.

Well OK, if you'll put me through to where they have moved to that would be fine.

Thanks......

Moments later.......


Hello, is that the Disc Jokey for the BBC? It is, brilliant. I would like some special requests playing as soon as possible..... like now.

Yup, they are all dedicated to those that fall off record phonographs...... Yes I do realise how strange that may seem, but it does happen.

Anyways if you don't mind, I'd like to hear that excellent hit by the popular beat combo Dead or Alive... you know the one?

You do!

Oh goodie, I think "You spin me round (like a record)" is exactly the track for the occasion!



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