In December, everyone’s focus is Christmas. There are so many activities to attend, so many destinations to travel to, and so much delicious food to consume. And there will be so much Christmas giving that takes place.

December is the month specifically devoted to giving. We regularly give in many ways throughout the year, but it all becomes focused during the December holiday season. Schools have students bring in clothing items for distribution to children in low-income families. Pastors preach sermons and urge their congregation to fill local food pantries. The Salvation Army kettles show up outside department stores. And of course, families celebrate the season by gathering around the tree on Christmas morning.

These are all good things designed to meet needs and bless people at a special time of the year.

However, if we are not careful, we can get hooked into Christmas giving for inappropriate reasons. This can have a negative impact on our budget, not to mention our emotional and psychological health. That’s why it’s important to analyze why we are giving in the first place.

Giving For the Wrong Reasons

Many people fall into a trap when they give, in that they do so for the wrong reasons. We’d like to think everyone has the best motivations when they are giving gifts at Christmas. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Hopefully, you don’t see yourself in the list below. But have you run across any of these types of givers before?

The Guilt Giver

Reason for giving: This person gives to relieve their conscience, which is eating at them over some personal failure or perhaps a wrongdoing. They often give out of remorse and regret over a past action or to appease someone who is giving them a “guilt trip.”

It’s dangerous because: There is no end to the amount of guilt the mind – or other people – can place on an individual. Consequently, there is no end to the amount of giving that must take place at Christmas to lessen the guilt.

The Emotional Giver

Reason for giving: Christmas giving for this person is done in response to the feeling of the moment. It most often occurs when a person hears an impassioned plea that stirs overwhelming excitement or sadness.

It’s dangerous because: This giver doesn’t think rationally and only reacts to what they are feeling.

The It’s My Duty Giver

Reason for giving: These givers are strictly adhering to a personal conviction to fulfill a directive. It’s typical to find this thought process in church among members who believe in following the Biblical teaching of giving known as the tithe (giving 10% of ones income to the church).

It’s dangerous because: Giving is the law – an obligation only. It’s just like paying any other bill.

The Hoping For a Kickback Giver

Reason for giving: You may have done this one subconsciously without realizing it. Here the giver is looking for something in return for their giving. It’s the classic “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” type of giving.

It’s dangerous because: Sadly, this type of giving leads to anger and bitterness if the gift is not reciprocated like the person expects. You’ll be upset if you don’t get back the equivalency of what you gave to someone else.

The Pressure’s On Giver

Reason for giving: This is done to meet the perceived or stated expectation of the group. Everyone else in the office is giving $10 in the envelope for the bosses Christmas gift, so you must as well.

It’s dangerous because: The appropriate boundaries have not been built by this person so that they can say “No…I’m sorry, I can’t afford that now.” They may never be able to say “No” when faced with these pressure situations.

The “OK…If I Have To” Whiny Giver

Reason for giving: Here we have an extension of the “It’s My Duty Giver” and “The Pressure’s On Giver.” This person gives reluctantly and resentfully. They unwillingly and grudgingly hand over their money, never doing so cheerfully or lovingly.

It’s dangerous because: This attitude will never allow the giver to experience the feeling of joy that comes from willingly meeting a need.

The To Get Noticed Giver

Reason for giving: The only objective of this person’s Christmas giving is to be seen by others. They will go out of their way to make sure people know they have given. Why? Because their goal is to receive verbal praise and pats on the back from others. It’s their affirmation.

It’s dangerous because: Giving is all about receiving personal glory, not about meeting the needs of others.

The Ebenezer Scrooge Giver

Reason for giving: Just like Scrooge himself, giving only happens sparingly (if at all). It’s most likely done to appease feelings of guilt or obligation. The Scrooge giver will never give liberally out of their abundance.

It’s dangerous because: The need may go unmet without the generosity of donors who have abundant resources to give.

The Leftovers Giver

Reason for giving: It’s all about clearing out the wallet or change cup here. These people have no giving plan and no line item in their budget dedicated to regular or Christmas giving. They only give what’s left at the end of the month after all their other financial obligations have been met.

It’s dangerous because: Much like the “To Get Noticed Giver,” the focus becomes solely on personal needs and giving to others is only an afterthought.

What’s the Solution for Christmas Giving?

I can say that at one time or another in my life, I’ve given for each of these reasons. I’ve learned through the years however, they are all shallow reasons to give and do not produce long-term positive effects in my life.

Along the way, my wife and I were exposed to some ideas about giving that changed our mindset about it. We realized we had much to give but were confused sometimes about how and where to do so. So we developed a giving plan. You can read about that at the link below. 

Related Content: How to Develop a Purposeful Plan for Giving Away Money

That might sound strange, but we wanted to stop giving haphazardly here and there and become more intentional with the giving process. Developing a plan for giving is not that much different than what one might do for budgeting or for investing. Just like those personal financial steps, it takes a lot of communication and discipline and must be evaluated on a continual basis.

As we put our plan into place, we were amazed at how it helped us deal with these giving issues. No longer did we give out of guilt or because our emotions got the best of us. We no longer felt pressure to give and were excited to see how giving became a blessing rather than feeling like an obligation or duty.

Christmas giving can be so much fun. The best part, is that giving anytime can be fun if done for the right reasons.

Leave a Comment or Answer a Question Below: Have you ever caught yourself giving for any of the above reasons? Can you think of any other wrong reasons to give? What do you enjoy most about the Christmas giving season? 

Image Credit: salvationarmyusa.org

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