When you first think about having children you don't realise the many stages you will go through as a parent. Right now I'm the mum of two boys and they're both at different stages, one being a tween (12 year old BP) and one being a tween-in-training (7 year old LP). In the time I've been a parent I've learned about the various stages and they remind me of the many stages of Evolution.
While pondering the stages of evolution and the comparison to parenting I came up with The Evolution of Parenting.
An extinct genus of hominins. Related to apes but walked Upright. They had a projecting face, a small brain, and small canine teeth. They had curved and strong fingers, and their S shaped spine allowed for balance when standing.
The first genus of "parenticus". Close to exhaustion, often fails to walk upright. They have half-closed eyes, a half-functioning brain, and a strong stomach for coping with spit-up, vomit, and other bodily functions of Baby. They carry a large bag containing nappy-changing materials and extra baby clothes which causes imbalance when standing.
Walked fully upright and used their forearms for handling tools and weapons. Their jaw and teeth resembled modern humans and they had increased brain size (600 cubic centimetres). They used tools to prepare meats and were the first of our relatives to have opposable thumbs.
Walks upright after getting baby to sleep through the night. Carrying a heavy changing bag and wrestling with off-spring during nappy changes ensures they have strong forearms. They have reduced brain function (after many sleepless nights and days of only hearing baby talk). Use brightly coloured plastic "toys" to entertain offspring. They are the first "parenticus" to venture away from their base with offspring in tow.
The first "naked ape" perhaps with dark pigmented skin. They processed and butchered hunted animals using stone tools (like axes and cleavers) they had made and used fire to cook the meat. They may have been the first to make and wear clothing.
The first "toddlerish" fluent parent and has dark circles under their eyes. Performs actions to nursery rhymes on request (from toddlerithicus) and makes houses and toys using yoghurt pots and paint. The use of animal noises may also be used to entertain offspring.
The strongest humanoids ever, but they were defeated into extinction by smarter sapiens. They cared for their injured and buried their dead. They used caves as shelters/homes and had weapons made of stone.
Experts in the morning routine and packed lunches, they organise play-dates and coffee mornings using a phone with reminders. The most organised "parenticus" so far, but often turns to alcohol at the end of a trying day.
Homo Sapiens - Cro-Magnon
They used tools to kill animals (possibly a bow and arrow) and walked upright. They had self-consiousness and used the chemical laws of nature for fire and plants. They made paintings and showed the beginnings of moral reasoning.
Mumo Teeniens - Pro-Evilmom
Kills offsprings social life by banning games and phones (possibly humiliating offspring with baby photos). Walks with their head high and has self confidence (some of the time. They use the learned laws of teen-dom for optimum punishments and show the beginnings of "finding oneself".
Homo Sapiens Sapiens
Walks upright and uses tools and technology. They made spears, guns, nuclear weapons, automobiles, aircraft, art, music, telecom, and skyscrapers. They have reached the moon and mastered the laws of nature at a nuclear level. They function in a walking state consciousness.
Mumo Super Supremio
"Your job is done"
Walks with head high and uses phones and computers to blog and be social. They make cakes, paintings, write stories, and go to shops. They have mastered mothering at an expert level and now (or may soon) functions as a Grand-Mumo. The aim of all Parenticus.
As you can see the life of the parent can be documented just like the evolution of man. The markings of each stage are a little more subtle but their just as significant.
Where would you be on the evolution scale?
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