My friends might remember this photo. I took it on 16th September 2016 and posted it to celebrate that I had successfully managed to wean myself off my Sleeping medication and for the first time in a very long time I was allowed to drink alcohol. I felt so happy I had finally got to this place. After the terrible journey my Postnatal Depression had taken my on, I was finally getting back to me. So most friends will remember this, they’ll remember my funny quip about getting pissed from 1 glass. What most of my friends won’t know is 2 days later I completely relapsed and I went to a very dark place, I felt like something quite literally pulled the rug from under my feet. Turns out alcohol is a depressant – who knew!?!?!? And when you’ve not had it for a long period of time because of depression, then neck back champagne (alright, again it was carva) it doesn’t do your body any good. I ended back up on sleeping tablets again within a few days and I said to my Dr “will this ever end???” With a lump in my throat and my jaw so tight from fighting back my tears. Well it did end, I came off the tablets again with a lot of success and haven’t had them for 4 months. There was a point in my life where a little afternoon snooze was just a wonderful memory because my anxiety was so horrific it wouldn’t let me fall asleep naturally. I watched a video today of famous women talking about postnatal depression and I realised how thankful I am for being here. I used to think Elliott could find a better Mum and it would be best if I killed myself. I thought Steve deserved a better wife but the only way for him to see that was to take myself out of the equation and then he could find her. If you know someone who has recently had a baby and they’re acting differently, you can’t put your finger on it but they’re irrational, angry, violent, crying a lot, not sleeping, not holding the baby, God the list is endless but please, please from all of us women who have been through it, we can’t stress enough. Make them get help! If I wasn’t forced to do that by people in my life who saw I had changed, as awful as it is to say, as heartbreaking as it is to think I would have killed myself.
Act on your gut, let them talk, don’t judge them and make sure they get help. You could quite literally be saving their life.
P.s. imagine all the legendary shit you’d be missing out on if I took my life!