I confess. There are a few things that turn me into one of those starry eyed, looking for the knight in shining armor, giddy girl types. Much like the final scene in Dirty Dancing will for all time be able to instantly entrance me, so does Figure Skating. Yep, skinny girls in tacky costumes spinning in circles really does it for me.
When I was a kid I actually took ice skating lessons for awhile. However, the rink I went to was closing, so in order for me to continue my parents would have to shell out more cash for lessons. At the time I had also started horseback riding lessons. So, I was given a choice: Ponies or frozen water. Lucky for me I went with horses. At 4 or 5 years old you really don't have any clue what kind of body you are going to end up with. I have a body much more suited to going 3 rounds with a 2000 lb horse. My big feet, big ass, tall German Gypsy frame with big tits? Yeah, not really cut out for the delicate sport of figure skating.
Despite my own shortcomings as a potential figure skater I still watch skating with great amazement. All that spinning, jumping & what not. It all looks so beautiful. Well, all of it except ice dancing. Much like curling, I don't really get ice dancing. As far as I can tell it's pairs skating for people who can't jump. Last night the one thing I find remotely interesting about the Winter Olympics was finally on: The ladies short program.
First Place: Sasha Cohen
Sasha seems to have come a long way since 2002. The last time around I was on the Sarah Hughes bandwagon. I honestly thought she was the best. Plus I am a sucker for the underdog. However, whatever 'it' is that I thought was missing from Sasha's skating four years ago is there now. She skated great & demonstrated more showmanship than most of the other skaters combined. Of course now the question is can she hold it together through the long program?
Second Place: Irina Slutskaya
Technically she is a great skater. However, she just screams butch to me. Not necessarily lesbian butch, but certainly not what I think of when I think of figure skaters. Add in her pants suit getup? Ugh. Wasn't the men's skating last week?
The Other Americans: Kimmie Meissner & Emily Hughes
I loved Kimmie's short program. At barely 16 she lacks some of the polish of the older skaters, but give her a few years though & I think she will rise up. As for Emily, I thought she skated nicely. However, I couldn't shake the 'Your sister is better' feeling I got watching her. I will say I'm glad she made the team over Michelle Kwan. At some point you have to cut your losses & run. Kwan's pathetic quest for a gold medal has just gotten old. She has become so desperate to win the gold that it has started to negate her other accomplishments. I can't recall any of her performances off the top of my head, but her begging to go to the Olympics & making the team even with an injury? Now that sticks in my mind. Get over yourself already.
One final thought on the short program: Outfits
Who the hell dressed these girls? Most of them look like Bob Mackie threw up on them. The chronic use of neon colors was very unnerving. I thought neon died with the eighties. What next? Fanny packs become all the rage again? On top of that there seemed to be an all or nothing mentality. Either the skaters were in outfits so skimpy I thought 'Netting or not, Why bother?' or they were covered from head to toe like some skating Eskimo. Can you say middle ground?
The Best: Fumie Suguri
I loved her costume. I also thought she skated far better than her counterpart Shizuka Arakawa who end up just ahead of Fumie in third place. I'm also positive that Arakawa has quite possibly the flattest chest I have ever seen on a woman. I am talking concave boobs.
The Worst: Sokolova & LiashenkoWork that tacky neon girls! The Worst, Part 2: Gimazetdinova & AndoNaked vs. Nanook of the North
KP will return to her regularly scheduled sarcasm shortly...