2019-02-06 05:49
I hear it all the time.‘I can’t get over the guilt.’ ‘I can’t break free of the self-criticism.’ ‘I feel trapped in my own shame.’… Read More
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Mental Health, Wellbeing, Counselling And Psychoth Blog
mattfoxcounselling.co.uk
Tags:
guilt
emotional
narcissistic
thinking
narcissistic abuse
abuse
attention
relationship
wisdom common
guessing
Counselling Brighton, self-help, and wellbeing blog from professional counsellor in Brighton and Hove, Matt Fox
2018-11-12 06:05
The room goes quiet. Suddenly everyone is looking at me. I start to feel my face flush.My insides begin to squirm. I want to be anywhere but here. The feeling of all those people looking a… Read More
2018-11-01 19:28
Guilt’s been on my mind a lot this week.How it creeps into you. Takes you by surprise.Causes constriction and doubt. Stops you in your tracks.If you grew up with emotional neglect or… Read More
2018-10-22 19:38
It happens again and again.You express a need. It's met with denial, outrage or dismissal. You're left bewildered. On the verge of collapse or maybe rage.You're told you come across a… Read More
2018-10-04 05:55
There was a time in my life when I would never ask for help.Even now, it’s not my first instinct.I’m used to sorting out my problems by myself.Call me a self-help specialist, i… Read More
2018-09-23 05:28
You might fantasize about having the ideal sibling relationship. But the reality?Your relationship with a brother or sister isn't what you want it to be.You were hoping for an ally, someon… Read More
2018-08-23 13:46
This is perhaps the hardest thing for the people pleaser. To get your emotional needs met. You’re so used to supporting others, putting them first, finding the way to their bliss ahe… Read More
2018-08-12 14:55
Why is it so hard to stick with a decision?How is it that, even when you feel solid, you come back over your choices? Doubt yourself. Question your smartness. Or integrity. Or value in mak… Read More
2018-07-23 19:04
Your stomach does a flip. Your faces gets hot. Your body tightens. Your breath gets more shallow. You start to sweat a bit.The feeling of guilt washes over you.But why? When you stop to th… Read More
2018-07-10 14:41
With all the talk about narcissism and narcissistic abuse, you may be wondering, does this affect me?If your parent was on the more extreme end of the spectrum, there may be little doubt i… Read More
2018-07-01 19:39
This was it. The moment when I thought I had finally lost it. Gone mad. It was such a simple email, in reply to my own stating straightforward needs. But it got right under the skin. In it… Read More
2018-06-14 13:58
You're in a cold sweat. Anxious thoughts are running through your mind again.You stop to ask yourself:Why am I feeling this way?Anxiety and narcissistic abuse go hand in hand. It's probabl… Read More
2018-06-02 06:49
Your phone beeps. It’s another late night request for help. ‘Can you just pop round tomorrow to sort out the…?’The doorbell rings. Your parent is at the door unann… Read More
2018-05-20 19:13
It starts off with optimism:
This time it will be different. You won’t get caught out again.
A few months pass, and there are some warning signs. The enormous charm that attracte… Read More
2018-05-20 19:13
It starts off with optimism:
This time it will be different. You won’t get caught out again.
A few months pass, and there are some warning signs. The enormous charm that attracte… Read More
2018-05-07 19:07
You’ve been meaning to get earlier nights, but 3 box sets later and it’s 2am again.
That healthier eating? Ended with the giant box of Celebrations.
Or more extreme. That job yo… Read More
2018-04-22 19:59
You say to yourself:
It’s not that bad. These difficulties you have with mum or dad could be worse. Maybe it’s you, not them. Maybe you’re imagining things.
If you’ve… Read More
2018-04-08 13:59
If one of your parents is a narcissist and you’ve been reading up on how to deal with it, you may be wondering:
‘I hear about no contact all the time. But what is going no contac… Read More
2018-03-25 11:29
You may already be thinking:
if you’ve experienced parental narcissistic abuse, life can feel overwhelming, confusing and lonely.
It’s hard to know what you feel or how to shake… Read More
2018-03-25 11:29
You may already be thinking:
if you’ve experienced parental narcissistic abuse, life can feel overwhelming, confusing and lonely.
It’s hard to know what you feel or how to shake… Read More
2018-03-11 20:26
Something flips inside you. It feels like a switch going. The system is going down. You start to numb out.
It’s difficult to think clearly. Maybe your hearing goes a bit fuzzy. You fee… Read More
2018-02-27 12:09
You set yourself high standards. Perfection. The equivalent of the Olympics in your chosen field. Those perfectionism traits? Being the perfect mum, daughter, father, son, colleague. Giving… Read More
2018-01-23 20:21
‘I don’t mind’. ‘You choose.’ ‘I’m easy’ ‘Whatever you feel like.’
The words come easily when you’re a people pleaser. The e… Read More
2017-08-15 18:42
As the shadows grow longer, you exhale deeply. Night is coming, and it feels both a shelter and an interminable hole. Wherever you turn in your life, the exits seem blocked, the options for… Read More
2017-07-18 06:41
Is this the refrain of our age? Not enough time. Too much to do. So many commitments and responsibilities.
It can seem an impossible conundrum as your life moves on. You have family ties and… Read More
2017-06-12 19:21
Think of anger, and you probably think of it as something bad. Anger gets a bad press a lot of the time. At its worst, it can be a vehicle for aggression or violence. It can cause… Read More
2017-05-09 20:20
On the surface, Lianne* feels she should be satisfied with her life. She has many of the things she thought she aspired to: a warm supportive circle of friends, a loving partner, a new job w… Read More
2017-04-04 20:06
Part of you knows this relationship hurts. The little (or not so little) put downs, the never quite meeting expectations, the feeling guilty for the ‘shoulds’ that you didn&rsquo&hell…Read More
2017-03-07 12:53
Whatever heights you scale, accomplishments you make, there is an emptiness inside. There’s that lingering question, what’s wrong with me? And with it feelings of guilt or shame… Read More
2017-02-08 08:16
What is it about that persistent feeling of failure, in spite of evidence to the contrary…? That presentation didn’t quite cut it. That meal you went all out to make special, wa… Read More
2016-12-18 17:47
Does this ring a bell? You love your mum or dad, but it’s also tough being their child. Somehow, what you do never seems good enough. If you disagree or stand up to them, there’… Read More
2016-11-18 21:16
As the day ends, you start to notice a gnawing inside. The busy-ness of chores, work or meetings ebbs away to be replaced by a growing sense of dread. Who are you when you’re not busy?… Read More
2016-09-12 12:17
As life moves on, do you find yourself staying the same or have things evolved in your outlook, your values, your connection with the world?
In his 20s, Gary was all about having a good time… Read More
2016-08-19 12:58
You’re at a crossroads. One way brings greater freedom, inner peace, more fulfilment. But at a price. You may need to assert your needs, say no more often, disappoint others to be more… Read More
2016-07-30 12:05
As the world around continues its unstable lurching from one crisis to another, with acts of violence, despair and splitting, I’ve been thinking about the role of the shame in all this… Read More
2016-07-10 14:12
There they go again. Criticising this, undermining that, taking knocks out of who you are and what you try and do every day to support them.
It’s so hard to take when you can see so cl… Read More
2016-06-25 13:00
Ever have that feeling, that whatever you do with other people, you’re bound to be let down in the end? Or do you often think it’s easier to get things done yourself, rather than… Read More
2016-06-06 09:30
When Debra goes silent, a chill fills the room. Anya isn’t sure if she’s done something wrong, but she has a deep feeling of guilt and uneasiness.
She’s scrabbles around, s… Read More
2016-04-25 09:30
There’s always something to do, isn’t there? Friends to see, chores to complete, family time or work, life admin. It can sometimes feel like there is no time in life for anything… Read More
2016-04-11 09:30
These may be your darkest days. When it feels like there is no reason to get out of bed, no point in getting dressed, no purpose in speaking to or being with anyone else.
Life feels heavy. Y… Read More
2016-03-28 09:00
A man staggers out of the shop holding more than his arms can cope with. He moves towards his car and stumbles; a cascade of vegetable tumbles on to the ground and rolls away. ‘You stu… Read More
2016-03-14 09:00
You feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall. You’ve had this same argument countless times but nothing shifts. Things get said, by both of you. Things you only ha… Read More
2016-02-29 09:00
When the noise in your life dies down for a moment, or something happens which rocks you to your foundations, you might get in touch with a very deep question. Who am I really?
Going there c… Read More
2016-02-15 09:00
You finally decide to pick up the phone. It’s one of the hardest calls you’ve ever had to make. Not just because you might find it difficult to speak to the person on the other e… Read More
2016-02-01 09:00
Things just seem to keep on going wrong: you fall out of love with your job 6 months in; you end up with a boss who’s a bit of a bully; your friend is all take and no give; y… Read More
2016-01-18 09:00
‘There’s no point even thinking about it’, says Adam*, ‘it’s not like I have a choice.’
We’ve been talking for half an hour, and the topic that come… Read More
2016-01-04 09:50
So where do you stand on new year’s resolutions? Is it a ritual you follow assidiously each year or something you try and struggle with? Or is it just something you laugh off as… Read More
2015-12-15 15:45
As Christmas approaches, you may be relishing the prospect of time off and being with your family. But for many people, Christmas and family occasions can evoke dread, anxiety and depression… Read More
2015-12-07 10:30
Do you sometimes look at yourself and say, I wish I wasn’t me or I don’t like myself much? I’m not talking about your personal looks here, though that can come up… Read More
2015-11-23 11:30
You’re just in the middle of cooking dinner. The phone rings. You look down. It’s mum calling. You pick up for the chat even though it isn’t the best ti… Read More
2015-11-09 11:00
Why is it that you can be looking at the most exquisite view, be in the presence of a moment of grace or beauty, be surrounded by those you love and yet be completely and utterly in pain.
No… Read More
2015-10-26 13:40
There are these moments in life when it all starts to feel too much. Perhaps it’s the continual work demands, stresses and requests that play havoc with your sense of wellbeing. Or may… Read More
2015-10-12 10:30
It’s perhaps the nit picking that gets to you the most. Your place is never tidy enough. That outfit doesn’t quite suit you. The meal you cooked was a little off. The gift… Read More
2015-09-28 09:40
Celine* is always smiling. It’s a disarming smile, because it says I’m friendly. But it also says don’t get too close. It’s a well practised look which has served her… Read More
2015-09-13 12:39
I’m writing this at a time of great change and huge-scale upheaval. 1000s of people are fleeing their homes and risking their lives to find a safer place to live. People are dying in… Read More
2015-03-16 18:55
You know you really love your mum. She’s the person who was and maybe still is so central in your life. She brought you up; she was there for you, she tried to do her best by yo… Read More
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