Dear Brandon tells me, when he comes home from work, that he has heard a story about a Woman who was invaded by bot fly, now living in her leg. Fly lays eggs on mosquito, mosquito bites human, larvae burrows in, feels at home, and eventually pokes bot fly head out and looks up at woman, who screams and faints.
Woman is advised by Doctor to wait until fly is fully formed and flies off on its own. Woman very sensibly objects to this course of action, and Young fly is annihilated by suffocation with Vaseline and tape. Fly is disposed of, but woman is still in shock. Am reminded of horror movies, but am forced to admire species’ abilities to survive in all conditions.
Finally keep appointment with eye doctor, as it has been three years since prescription for glasses was changed. While in the waiting room am told that if doctor provides prescription, I will be charged a Fee. Inquire of Young Thing who tells me this, Why Am I Here, if Not to Get a new Prescription? She tells me there will be no charge, and feathers are smoothed once more.
Another Young Thing gives me eye test, wherein I must read very small letters from seemingly great distance. Letters look like street signs on corners, and am suddenly apprised as to who designs them. It has been eye doctors all along, who managed to acquire street sign concession from cities all over the country.
Squinting only carries one so far, before glasses become necessary. Admire entrepreneurial spirit of eye doctors, who are not top priority for most people, unless they can no longer drive or see television.
I shout out final answers, as if Grand Prize will be mine should I get letters right, and regret not memorizing letters when I first saw them. Young Thing tells me had I not inquired if final letter was ‘F’, I may have gotten away with answer, and would have achieved 20/15 vision, at last.
Eye doctor makes his appearance and checks my eyes, relieving me of the worry that he is merely an Urban Myth, and only Young Things are running medical offices. He tells me that I will need eye surgery sometime in the future. When I demur, he asks my age, and when I tell him, he informs me that I have the eyes of a person ten years younger. Since he has just told me how old I am getting, am not sure whether to be gratified, or not.
Receive lengthy phone call that evening from young man at alma mater, who is fund-raising for institution to which I owe so many dollars, that I will be past 90 before it is paid. I listen to him politely, after telling him he is Wasting His Time, but he appears to want to finish a Script. I oblige him by not hanging up, but read book until he asks a question, to which my answer is invariably ‘No’. He persists in asking for lower and lower amounts, relating anecdotal evidence about the University, which is Doing So Much Good for So Many. Heart and mind remain Unmoved, and instead ask him if I may have some of My money back from the school.
Admire young man’s persistence nevertheless, and we sign off with mutual expressions of cordiality. Next day, I think of young man when I buy a piece of exercise equipment, and am glad he will Not Find Out about my perfidy. He asked me several times for equivalent of what we pay for exerciser.
(Query: Did I perhaps give up too easily in asking for money from school? Young man has obviously been trained in persistence, so there must be Something To It. When I call school, will be sure and tell them How Much Good I Have Been Doing in the World. Must make sure to Do Some Good before calling.)
This post first appeared on Diary Of A Provincial Sophisticate | 'I Know Its A, please read the originial post: here