This year I’ve made it easy for you. All you have to do is resolve to follow the rules of the New World. No more making up ridiculous resolutions that you’re just going to abandon on January 3rd anyway. No more promising to become the best guitarist in the world just to give it up when you realize it hurts your fingers. Or deciding that this is the day of all days to stamp out that dirty smoking habit.
Waiting for a special occasion to Quit Smoking is a bad idea in the first place. Most people will relapse within a month. Studies show that it takes an average of 8 to 11 attempts to stop smoking for good. Mondays make the most sense, which offers 52 attempts throughout the year. If you only try to quit as a new years resolution, it could take up to 11 years to finally quit.
Making your new Years Resolution to follow the rules of the New World will ensure you’re making all the right changes and life choices to live well in a brave new world. It’ll cover all the usual new years resolution like:
- Stop buying crap made in China
- Working less
- Keeping appointments
- Making proper left hand turns
- Turn off my car alarm
- Stop wearing droopy pants
- Stop breast feeding in public
- Putting a muffler on your Harley
- Using less winter salt
- Using your turn signals
- Stop rubbernecking
- Taking more bubble baths
- Reducing your oil dependency
- Planting a home vegetable garden
- Keeping your dog quiet
...You know, just the usual stuff. But if your dead set on Making an individual new years resolution, why not make it interesting? Something like drinking more with your buddies or smoking weed or eating cheeseburgers in bed. Not only will it be entertaining to others at your new years eve party, it'll also give you something to quit next year.
In the new world, new Years Resolutions will be to abide by the 365 rules of the New World.
AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!