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Half-Hearted Men and Mixed Messages

“He’s not that into you.”

Or is he?

Books, movies and seminars would not be undertaken on the subject of men sending Mixed Messages if they could just be straightforward about their feelings. Women may imagine the guys to be conflicted, yet, generally they are straightforward. It’s the women who project their own confused feelings onto the men’s half-hearted actions!

As warm-weather months arrive and thoughts turn toward ubiquitous weddings, your correspondent will set the record straight. Again. As I have for many a young, or not-so-young bachelor or bachelorette over the years.

This time, it’s for those of you who are married. Does he still care? Ask yourself— is there abuse, abandonment, or amore?

Everyone is different, let’s just say that. For me, if I’m going to spend my life with someone, these are the things I need from a mate. More or less. Earlier or later. In whatever order. Give or take a few. Your mileage may vary.

But you better believe, there is a bottom line. And let’s hope that if your tank is running low, you fill it up fast. Here are five items every husband can check:

Love, attention and affection. Good morning and good night along with a kiss. How are you today? Can I get you anything? (Ignoring someone screams the message: You’re not wanted here. Get out now.)

Compliments. Doesn’t have to be anything over the top. Something low-key like: Aren’t you the loveliest lady on the face of the earth! You look amazing today! I love that fragrance on you. I am always so proud of how you represent us! When I gaze into your eyes…. (If you don’t say nice things on a regular basis, someone else will. Just sayin’.)

Rapt interest. Rapt. As in riveted. Block off designated time for Her. If the phone rings when she’s talking, don’t get it. A text comes in, ignore it. She speaks for more than one minute, don’t look at your watch. Hang. on. her. every. word. (If you are in an emergency profession, glance at it, then put it away.) If this sounds extreme, it’s because simple respect is unheard-of these days. Definitely don’t look at any other woman passing, or even at a fire engine. Look. at. her.

An occasional gift for no reason. Might be one flower. Could be a small piece of jewelry. Perhaps a meal out or a weekend away. I know of husbands who have whisked their wife off to Paris for a couple of days, but I’m trying to say that it’s the thought that counts. Do something nice. (If it’s her birthday or anniversary, it doesn’t count as much. If it’s a new vacuum cleaner… I’m praying for you.)

A love note. You could text it. You could hide it in her car, peeking out from her purse, on her pillow, etc. If you truly love her, you will be writing her and calling her to let her know. (No love notes = no love. Simple enough equation.)

And on and on it goes. Those are my five. We have already presupposed that the gentleman is gainfully employed, bathes regularly, is kind and polite, etc. Do you have a bottom-line list?


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Half-Hearted Men and Mixed Messages


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