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Making each other happy. Does our husband know what would make us happy? Why are we keeping it a secret? Do we expect him to be psychic?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

When you release Expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be. Mandy Hale

Much of what ruins otherwise perfect days is our expectations of them. We want them to be bigger, grander, and more special than they can possibly be. Our spouse may be loving, kind, generous and do their best to make us happy, but if it doesn’t meet our expectations we will be disappointed.

It sounds like the worst thing in the world to lower our expectations. When we do we can be happy with what we have. When we go through something terrible and survive we often feel the most grateful, the most alive, and exhilarated at our good fortune. The barn is gone, but I can now see the moon type of experience.

We might be grateful we can see the moon because the tornado that came through only took the barn, we still have all of our family, and a house to live in.

This Valentine’s Day reminds me to grab hold of my Husband and hold him tight because I can. He is still here, and I’ve been to too many funerals lately leaving wives behind whose only wish is they could hug him one more time.

If we are lucky enough to have a loving spouse in our lives we are blessed. We woke up to our Valentine and looking into his or her eyes over coffee, tea, or anything this morning should make our heart swell.

My husband and I joked about going to the store and exchanging cards, then putting the cards back and leaving the store. Cards are written to tug at our heartstrings, to put into words what we would like to say, we feel, but don’t express openly to our partners. We don’t want to be vulnerable; we don’t want to wear our heart on our sleeve. Somehow a cold hard exterior seems better. We never think its better when we see that cold hard exterior on someone else, why would we think it is better on us?

One of the recipes for a happy life seems to be to expect more from ourselves, and less from other people. What can we do to make our partners day, instead of what can they do to make ours may be the recipe.

My husband and I are blessed to be in a long, loving relationship. We all have disappointments, unmet expectations, irritants and areas where we don’t see things the same way. We didn’t marry ourselves, we married someone who can help us see things from the other side, experience things in a different way, and help us smooth our jagged edges as we help them smooth theirs.

Sometimes we may think we should have made different choices, but we are on the road we are on because of those choices, we have to make the best of them. We don’t get a do-over.

Two things can destroy any relationship: unrealistic expectations and poor communication. Unknown

I suggest we try to create for someone else what we would have liked someone to do for us. Unless we know what they would secretly like, and then do that. Do we wish they would ask us out for breakfast, ask them out for breakfast? Is there a particular type of chocolate we Love, get them some fabulous chocolate.  Do we want them to want to spend time with us, let them know we want to spend time with them? Would we like to watch a movie, ask them to watch a movie?

One of the mistakes we women make is not letting our husbands know what we want. How can someone give us what we want if we don’t tell them? If we want a particular dress and our husband says “let’s go shopping.” But, we never take him to the store that has the dress we want, how will he even know it exists. We may think, it’s too expensive, it’s too impractical, it’s too sexy. What are we afraid of, he won’t like it, he won’t think we look good in it, we ‘ll show him a side of us we are trying to hide. We might not even want the dress once we try it on. We’ve lost an opportunity to let him make us happy, and to share who we are when that is exactly what he wanted.

How often does someone ask us where we want to eat and we say, “I don’t know?” We end up where we least wanted to go because we wouldn’t make a decision and let someone know what would make us happy.

I’m going to try when I am asked what I want to have an answer. My son asked me what I wanted for dinner for my birthday. I told him, I want to not have to decide what dinner will be. That is partly right. But, really I couldn’t make a decision about what I would like someone to prepare for a special dinner? How can they possibly choose the right thing, because everyone has some expectations about their birthday dinner, even if they don’t voice them?

Women, can we give our husbands a clue about what they can do that will make us happy? Can we let them know that they are a big contributor to happiness in our lives? Most of our happiness comes from our family. This weekend starts with Valentine’s Day and ends with Family Day. It should be a complete love fest for the whole weekend. After all first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage. At least for many of us, it goes in that order.

Can we be easy to love? Do we let people know what pleases us, and what would make us happy? Or do we keep that information locked away, so only a psychic could figure it out?

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need. Marshall Rosenberg

Art of true relationship: To love without condition, to talk without intention, listen without judging, to give without reason and to care without expectation. Unknown

Understanding the other person’s needs – does not mean – you have to give up on your own needs. Marshal Rosenberg

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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