It’s mainly three things.
Over the years I've found that there are mainly three things that hold people back from becoming more grounded and mentally stronger.
- Limiting beliefs about themselves, which most of the time stem from childhood conditioning.
- No idea about who and where they are now and no vision about who and where they want to be in the future.
- No habits and structure in place that ensure reflection, growth and consistent progress towards where they want to be.
What to do about it?
There are three phases you have to go through.
1. Dissolving
Start with the following question:
Who am I right now or rather who do I think that I am?
Figure out what is holding you back most right now and get to the root cause of your insecurity, indecisiveness, directionless, feelings of self-doubt and limiting beliefs.
They most likely have their origin in your childhood. You need to become aware again of the experiences that led to these wrong belief systems and by that remove the power they have over you.
Once you are aware of these root causes, you can use different techniques to dissolve them, reframe them and remove the wrong foundation you've built your belief system upon.
2. Realizing
After you have transformed your limiting beliefs, you will realize that the feeling of being good enough has always been lying within you as potential.
You can then establish this feeling as a new foundation and define your Identity in line with who you really are at the core.
How?
By seeking out the evidence from the past that confirms that you are a worthy person.
Everybody has this proof, we just don’t see it due to our limiting beliefs.
How you helped your family and friends, your talents and hobbies, how you were courageous and disciplined…
This is hard evidence that nobody can steal from you.
This also allows you to redefine your identity.
No externals, no possessions, not the way you do things, but your core traits, which you can decide to live up to any time.
You are then independent of others, but it’s on you to live up to the things you deem as good traits and derive your sense of identity and self-esteem from the right action in the future.
You then learn that Stoicism and mindfulness are two great tools to strengthen your groundedness in the present moment.
3. Building
Once you have a new foundation and are unshakably secure in who you are the core you can then build a meaningful sense of direction for your life.
You establish your personal core values, which will allow you to make better life decisions that you fully resonate with.
You can define your greatest life Vision and figure out what you find meaningful so you have a clear path towards a life that you desire and find fulfilling.
Once you have gained that clarity, you can set long-term goals and prioritize your most important life areas.
Then the most important part starts.
You will set daily routines and habits in place that will ensure progress, give you a reliable structure and shape your new identity, consistently and on step at a time.
You see, once you get the foundation right, once you understand that you shouldn’t be defined and limited by the experiences from the past and external as well as unstable things, everything you do from there, from this present moment awareness, comes out of inspiration instead of desperation.
You will set goals, go for your vision, live up to your values and structure your day not because you want an identity from it, but because you enjoy it.
You can build a new identity while realizing deep down that you are “no-one”. You are pure consciousness that is connected with everyone else.
This realization, this connectedness with everyone else and seeing the sameness in everyone else, allows you to be loving and forgiving in any situation.
This is the foundation for mental strength and groundedness.
