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It makes me sad

We seem to be having a good time. Until we aren’t anymore. We’re halfway through the 3rd story Book. The cuddling is over. He covers the words with his hands so I can’t read them. He knocks the book out of my hands.

“Kubla, you don’t want me to read anymore?”

“Keep reading!”

I try for another Minute, but he makes it impossible to continue.

“Kubla, if you want to do something else, just tell me. Do you want to play a game?”

Silence. I toss a pillow at his feet. He attacks me—neither of us is having fun.My adorable, loving boy is trying to be as difficult as possible.

Here’s a question I wrestled with for a couple years—what to communicate when he pushes me away with his anger. Or instead of just telling me what he wants, he’s annoying so I leave. It’s so unpleasant.

I try ignoring the Bad Behavior. I try matching his anger. I try leaving the room. I try kicking him out of the room. I try expressing my disappointment. I try punishing him. None of it feels right. My responses add to the distance between us.

This day I try something new. Instead of protecting myself, I try love. And instead of saying what I don’t like about him, I make it about me and my feelings.

Calmly, “Kubla, it makes me sad when I see you pushing away the people who love you most. I wish I knew what I could do to bring us close again. I’m going to leave the room now. But when you are ready to be loving again, I’ll drop whatever I’m doing so I can give you a big hug and play.”

Five minutes later he’s calm. He doesn’t come looking for me, though. I find an excuse to walk by him. He looks up. I stop. We hug. We’re closer than ever.

What’s your best approach to calm things down and reconnect when your child pushes you away with bad behavior?

In two weeks I’ll give a free Kidorable Umbrella to whoever makes my favorite comment and shares this post on the platform of their choice.



This post first appeared on The Magic Blanket Trick, please read the originial post: here

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