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Dating While Black

Dating While Black

It has been some time since I Wrote in this blog and honestly I had almost forgotten about it until I read a post I wrote a while ago on Interracial dating. This week I embraced the sociologist in me and took up a research project of my own. After watching this video:

I thought let me put this to the test and joined a site called and put everything about me and basically expressed who I was, a strong black woman looking for a man who wanted a long term relationship. The first response I received was from a white guy, at first started off very kind and sweet and then proceeded to say that he had never been with a black girl and wanted to "taste dark chocolate". I was so shocked and disgusted by this and declined any further contact with him but in the space of 4 days I had received 2 other advances from white men basically saying the same thing, the interest in trying "dark chocolate".

Now this reminded me of the three stereotypes that the media portrays to society - Black women as the jezebel (sexually charged female), the mammy (unattractive overweight female) and the sapphire (the "angry" black woman). Being asked by these men whether I could dance, whether I was naughty, that they love how black women move and their bodies, instantly I felt stereotyped as the jezebel, only there for a hook up, to satisfy their fantasies. Now, I'm not saying that other women of other races don't get this as well but for me in particular it just made me feel like the stereotypes I try to run away from follow me because of how I look, because I am a black woman.

In terms of the interest from black men, 3 of the black men I contacted were just not interested, now this could have been for many reasons or it may go back to the fact that with interracial dating, black men and women don't have to date their own race to please society. When one is online, they can afford to be picky, go for what they actually want and try new things.

So I do agree with this video from the short time I have been on this site, I deleted it and maybe my ideas would be different if I had stayed on for longer but I just felt so violated. I do believe that black women are at a disadvantage when it comes to online dating because from the research done in that video and from my short experience, we are the least desired and even if we do get responses are they perpetuated by the sexual fantasy that men want to "try" us and then on the other side we have black men not being interested in us. Is this because of the stereotypes out there, the mammy or the sapphire? that we may not be as attractive or stereotyped as softly or as beautifully as the other races?

Tell me what you think? Share your experiences of online dating positive or negative?

This post first appeared on The Modern African Woman, please read the originial post: here

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Dating While Black


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