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Virgin + Online Dating = Disaster

I feel like virginity can be a blessing and a curse. As a 25 year old African woman who is single, I have questioned myself Multiple Times. Part of me feels like well luckily I haven't given myself to every single man I've dated, but then part of me feels like it is a huge obstacle in maintaining a relationship. I have been cheated on multiple times because I would not have sex with my then boyfriends. I have been made to feel like being a Virgin is wrong, I had one guy tell me that it was "medically unhealthy". This article said, "a lot of other men steer clear of virgins because they don't want to teach us and because we appear pious and religious."
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I was reading this article where I actually agreed, and that made me sad. A particular quote that got me was "I just feel like I need to get this out of the way before I can actually have any success meeting people." So if "virginity is not herpes and there is no need to notify a potential partner about it," then why do I feel obliged to do so even before meeting dates?

When I have revealed that I am a virgin to men between the ages of 26-35 years old that I would be talking to, I've either had them never talk to me at all after that or profess their shock/disgust or some have taken it positively online but think that they can somehow "change my mind" in person. The amount of times I have had to say "NO" and "STOP" and push people off has just really made me unable to trust in someone's word. 

We as Women, seem to get so many mixed signals from men, so they want women to be sexual and experienced yet they don't want "their women" to have had sex with too many men or be a virgin. But here I am, a virgin and it's still not good enough. This writer says "guys are confused that an attractive girl could ever be a virgin, and that since I'm such a baffling enigma, I am kept at arms length," and to that I say DITTO. 

I have learnt and still continue to learn that my self worth is not in how I look or whether I have sex or not or in anything physical but is within me. The love and appreciation I have for myself is what matters most. As a virgin who is dating online all I know is one day someone will accept me as I am and be patient with me and I am excited for that.

Please feel free to share any of your stories here, I'd love to hear them. 

This post first appeared on The Modern African Woman, please read the originial post: here

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Virgin + Online Dating = Disaster


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