Mark Zuckerberg being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year is yet another example of our misplaced priorities in heroism. Has he changed the way we live? Yes. Was it a necessary improvement the future of the human race was contingent upon? Not at all. Mark Zuckerberg is an intelligent individual that should be lauded for his business achievements and the quality of his product. However, he is not deserving of such a title when folks like Julian Assange, Hamid Karzai and Michael Pollan have altered the future of the world politically and digestively.

Entertainment Weekly’s Entertainer of the Year is, and should be, Taylor Swift; she is the consummate performer and class act. A real standout in a landscape strewn with talentless attention-seekers and reality shit piles on film. However, when using a bold phrase such as “Woman of the Year”, I don’t care if it is People Magazine, Reader’s Digest or Highlights announcing it, it should not used be to describe someone who has endured an emotional year personally.

Sandra Bullock got screwed around on by her bad boy husband and then won an Oscar. Ahem. Clinton? Warren? Pelosi? *choking back vomit* …Palin? At least she once straddled the blurry line between CSPAN and E!. Sandra is an entertainer that can buy all the foreign kids she wants but will not actually change the world one iota. Elizabeth Edwards was cheated on but still found the time to become a best-selling author and activist for healthcare reform, all while battling cancer until her passing this month. But no, People Magazine, it’s cool. Sandra was totally amazing in Blind Side.

Take some time this holiday season to reflect on who the real heroes are in this world. If you’re having trouble making the list, stop at a local school and meet some teachers, or read up on the folks creating our scientific future, or drop a case of beer down at the fire station. You’re not going to find many people worth looking up to on TV. No, television programming is almost exclusively entertainment these days. That’s why you know who Snooki is but not Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva.

Zuckerberg brought the world Facebook and for that I dig him, as I dig Milton S. Hershey, William Grant and Steven Hirsch. However, I will not abide this notable achievement being handed to a kid that merely simplified our communication abilities. Steve Hirsch didn’t invent porn but he made it awesome. Mark Zuckerberg pimped our Myspace. What did the guy that invented the cordless phone get? Not a god dammed thing but a patent and a pat on the ass.

My tumult is not aimed at Mark as a person but rather as a Person of the Year. the significance of such an honor being given to an overnight-ish success is almost shameful. Is this whom our children should believe is the most influential, important and praise-worthy individual of 2010? We all want to invent the next Pet Rock, but wouldn’t you rather have your kids looking up to the man closing in on a cure for AIDS? Call me old fashioned but it is my belief this distinction should be given to an actual hero and not some guy who built a cool toy and got filthy rich because of it.