I dont know who even reads this thing.
Ive been putting off posting about this because Im terrified. And frankly, only 2 people know about it, not including my own mother.
I'll start from the beginning.

As you may (Or may not) have read, I have a cyst on my right ovary. Ive been going to the doctor every few months to have it monitored. They take my blood. Make me pee in a cup. And of course, they do an external and internal(I hate these) ultrasound.
I didnt mind going. And the cyst had stayed the same size actually. The doctor had put me on YAZ, a birthcontrol in hopes it would help "bump" the cyst and make it move and go away on its own.

I had been going close to every 3 months to have these appointments. Last monday I had another one. My specialist sent me to the "Womans Imaging Centre" for the ultra sound to have a better picture taken. We were actually hoping that this check up would be the one where they told me the cyst was gone and I was healthy again.

I had the ultra sound but when it was done the tech asked me to get dressed and wait for the radiologist to come and go over the results. I was feeling quite confident that the cyst was gone. So I sat waiting for the good news.
The radiologist came in the room with my ultrasound printed off and some other papers. He sat down beside me and my heart dropped. He then explained to me that the cyst had grown, and it was now cancerous. I almost had a heart attack right there. I could hardly keep in the tears as one tear rolled down my cheek.
I dont remember what else he said. All I heard was the word cancer. I went out to my car, called my mom crying and then went back to work to finish my shift.

The next day I had an appointment with my specialist who went over the results with me. Basically she told me I NEEDED to have surgery and have my ovary and fallopian tube removed. Because the cyst wasnt going to go anywhere, and it was growing, and was now cancer. She told me I'd have surgery likely mid October. But the other day I got a phone call at work telling me they had a cancellation. I was now going for surgery on Tuesday, the 28th.

Today I had my pre-op. And I hated it. They took blood. Made me pee in a cup. Made me take off my bra and get a chest xray. I hate hospitals. And my anxiety was at least a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10. And I was getting grumpier by the minute the longer they made me wait to do something. And then the worst was the stupid nurse who came in to give me a "prep" talk about my surgery. She can go jump off a cliff. (Sorry I know thats not nice.. but seriously.. she was rude. And made me even more nervous about the whole thing). Exsample. I told her I was really freaked out by the idea of having a breathing tube.. and I told her if I woke up and it was in place I would probably panic and try pulling it out. She says to me. "Well if you pull it out it needs to come out anyways right". Oh my gosh. Seriously?! That really makes me comfortable about the whole thing. Thanks.

Ugh. Im not looking forward to having this surgery. And facing it alone. :( . I wish I was in a relationship. That I had a girlfriend to see me in the hospital. And bring me a blue gerber daisy and apple juice. And climb into the hospital bed with me and rub my hair while I sleep.
Unfortunately I'll be there alone. Im not letting my parents come with me. My mom just makes me even more anxious and angry because she freaks out and it makes me freak out.

I dont know. I guess with the whole cancer/surgery thing my depression isnt getting any better. I thought things were looking up, but of course as soon as things look up they down just as fast. It sucks.

I'll keep you updated though.