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OK, I’d like to get off now

Wow, this month has been a real rollercoaster. On the upside, I attended the IBM Connect 2016 conference referenced in my last post. Wheee! Fun and tomfoolery! On the downside, men suck and I’m sicker than I thought.


I broke it off with the guy I had been seeing the day before Valentine’s Day. He’d been a jerk because I went out with girlfriends then had to work, and I’m not going to waste my time with anyone like that. I honestly haven’t been pouring a lot of time into finding someone to connect with on a personal level. Online dating sucks. Work keeps me busy, and most of the guys I meet online seem nice enough at first. There’s been quite a few I’ve had to stop talking to because they got creepy or started asking for nudes, or worse, offering nudes of themselves.

Seriously? Have a little more respect for yourself, and me for that matter.

Another dude got really clingy really fast and wanted me to meet his family after just one date. (No thank you!) The rest either can’t relate to me, or are only looking for sex. (Yeah, if all I wanted was some tail, I would NOT be looking online!) There’s a couple nice guys I’ve been talking to though. One of which has offered to take me riding next weekend on his bike. He’s polite, works hard, loves animals and Harleys, and has been a perfect gentleman.

Tempting. I may take him up on that offer …

Like I said, work has kept me really busy. A side project that was supposed to be mine is being outsourced to a third party, and I’m OK with that because it has freed me up to do other things. I still need more Connections upgrade and WebSphere training, so I really need to be making more time for that. My Domino upgrades are put on hold for right now due to a recent patch breaking access to on-server consoles. (Thanks, IBM!) Once that’s fixed, I can pick up on those again.

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks lately emotional-wise due to my health. My migraines have been getting steadily worse over the last couple of years and until recently, was averaging 2-3 really bad ones per week. I went to see a new doctor. I’ve known for some time that something is wrong with me, I just didn’t know what and after seeing Dr. Gray, my doctor for years, I needed a fresh set of eyes to look at me.

The new doctor is nice. He sat and listened to my concerns. He answered all of my neurotic questions (I had a list, people. I know I’m neurotic!). He shared some of my concerns and felt that my medications needed adjusting or out-right changing. He changed my dosage of my existing migraine meds and prescribed me an additional one to take. He also changed my blood pressure medication since it’s known to cause headaches. So far that’s working really well for me, I’m keeping a log so far of blood pressure spikes and migraines and haven’t had either in a week. I had some concerns over heart palpitations that I’ve felt over the last few months. Those things freak me out! They aren’t frequent, but I do know that my mother experiences them too and that they’ve gotten more frequent as she’s gotten older. New doctor ordered an EKG (which was interesting to have done!) and assured me that everything looked normal. My cholesterol was a little high, and since high cholesterol runs in my family, he put me on medication for that.

However, the worst part was that after many blood tests, they found that I’m diabetic. Apparently I have been for a while, or perhaps was pre-diabetic for years and was never diagnosed. He said it would account for many of the symptoms I described to him. He had told me this the evening after the first appointment and requested that I schedule a follow-up to discuss treatment. When I read his message, I was stunned. There’s no family history of diabetes that I’m aware of, and when I told my mother about it, she thought he was a quack for the diagnosis until I sent her a copy of my test results. She confirmed that even though my glucose was within normal levels, the hemoglobin A1C was 7.1%, which is full blown type 2 diabetes.

I am ashamed to say that I completely lost my collective shit. I broke down and cried most of the night. I cried the next day at work. I told my best friend what the doctor said and she hugged me while I bawled like a child. I don’t fully understand why, but that was very hard for me to accept.

Diabetes? I can’t have diabetes, I’m not 300 lbs!

And I’ll be honest with you guys, right now I want sugar so bad I can’t stand it. I’ve cut sugar out of my diet as much as possible. No more frozen dinners or boxed meals. No more soda or sweet tea (which I admit makes me cry like a baby because I love the hell out of sweet iced tea). I can’t stand diet soda, so I’ve just cut it out altogether. I’ve been drinking water. I’ve been advised to drink fruit juice only in moderation due to large amounts of sugar most of them contain. This has put a cramp in going out because when I drink, I prefer my sweet girly martinis or a Coke and vodka.

I have to cut out pasta, potatoes, corn, and breads as much as possible as those were pretty much most of my diet before. No, seriously. Potato girl here! Can’t get any more Irish my intense love of potatoes, which only slightly comes in first over my love of pasta. I was eating pasta for at least 1 of 3 meals every single day. Same for potatoes, and sometimes 2 out of 3 meals for those!

I am eating more lean meat, less fried things. I know I can do this, I’m just very unhappy about it. I’ve been sullen, and irritable, and have snapped at people when I don’t mean to. A diabetic friend told me that’s my sugar addiction acting up. Seriously, this is worse than the steroid that my old doctor put me on last year for my asthma/sinus issues. (Let’s just say that I had a very bad reaction, and my behavior while on it made She-Hulk look tame!)

I’m trying to be positive about this. It’s a lifestyle change that I’ve talked about taking on for a while. And further testing last week confirmed that there’s no damage to my kidneys, legs, feet, etc. But let’s be honest, I don’t feel like it. Logically, I know I can beat this, and I’m lucky to have caught it still at a stage where it can be reversed. But I feel like I’m grieving for some reason. I don’t want to be positive. I don’t want to give up my old diet. Maybe that’s the sugar talking? Probably is …


Let’s see, what else? I’ve made a concentrated effort to cut ties to toxic people in my life over the last year. While I felt guilty at first, I admit that I feel much better not being involved in unnecessary drama. I also confronted my ex-husband about things I’d been hearing he’s said about me behind my back. Let’s face it, I’ve known the man for nearly than 15 years. I remember how he used to talk about Jessie’s mother behind her back, and even some of our friends. I’d be a complete and utter moron to believe him when he says that he hasn’t said anything negative about me behind my back when I’ve been told for years that he has. He’s even unknowingly dated someone I knew — who I have since cut ties with for various reasons, but mostly because she would not shut up about him. Seriously, there’s a reason I divorced this man, I don’t want to hear you bitching about him.

But it could be worse, right? I keep telling myself that.

So, I don’t know about y’all, but I’m so done adulting …

This post first appeared on Birthplace Of The Process Of Illogical Logic, please read the originial post: here

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OK, I’d like to get off now


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