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Playing For Both Teams

This is a very difficult post for me to write but I believe it's very important that I do so. I spent years bottling this up and I was so wrong.

When I was 11 years old I began to Realise that I liked girls as well as boys. I didn't understand what was going on, I knew about homosexuality but the concept of bisexuality was something I wasn't able to comprehend at that age. I remember thinking that I couldn't be gay because I also liked boys, it didn't occur to me to think that because I liked girls I couldn't be straight. 

It wasn't until I was 16 that I realised I was bisexual, I had a boyfriend at the time and I thought I would lose him if I told anyone. So I tucked it away far back in my mind and carried on dating men. You have to realise that this was the mid 90s bisexuality was not very well understood and the world was not as accepting as it is now.

Over the years the thoughts would return and I was so scared I just kept pushing them away. Now fast forward to when I was 35. I'd been married, had a child and got divorced, I been through a bit of a rough time during the break up and had decided not date as I needed some time to myself. One day I was watching a film with a particularly attractive actress and it just hit me like ton of bricks. How could I have been so stupid? How had I kept quiet all these these years. So I liked girls as well boys, so what? The world wasn't going to end if I told people, I was still me and I had done nothing wrong.

So I had finally accepted it but it wasn't all plain sailing. I was still scared, I wasn't sure how to begin explaining it to people. Biphobia still exists and it's difficult to get people to understand. There are so many myths regarding bisexuality. We aren't greedy, more likely to cheat and we don't need to make our minds up. I also wasn't comfortable with making a big announcement about it. I didn't want it to be the one thing about me that people immediately thought of. I'm not ashamed of my sexuality but I don't want it to define me. Yes I'm bisexual but I'm also many other things. I'm a mother, a daughter, a friend,  a respected employee, a bookworm, a geek and a chocoholic. There is so much more to me than who I'm attracted to and I want people to realise that.

So that brings us up to the present day. It's been a process and I'm not completely out yet but I'm getting there. I may even feel ready to date again soon and when I do I will definitely be open to dating either gender.

This post first appeared on DaisyDaisy, please read the originial post: here

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Playing For Both Teams


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