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Dissect. Then Doubt, Doubt, Doubt

I am analytical by nature, in case you couldn't already tell. As such, I have the terrible Tendency to dissect every little thing after any encounter with a man I am crushing on, and that can sometimes send me into a spiral of Doubt.

My last post outlined the lovely Lunch I had with the lovely Mr. Adorkable. The elation from this encounter lasted for a total of two days. And what elation it was, I was smiling so much my face started hurting a little bit.

Then the doubt began to creep in. I started Thinking about everything that I had said that could be taken badly. I didn't hear from him. This compounded my doubt. 

One of my work girls had been on leave for the week in which the drinks and lunch occurred and arrived back the day after lunch. She knows Mr. A and wanted a full rundown of, well, everything. We agreed that lunch the next day was a must. 

I divulged everything that had happened, we squealed and giggled like the fifteen year old girls we are inside. But then we started looking at the aspects that could be perceived badly. My friend, lets call her Shaz (mainly because she hates it, haha), is of a very similar disposition to me. One of our shared faults (or advantages, depending upon how you look at it) is a tendency to be negative. By the end of the lunch, I had convinced myself that Mr. A didn't like me at all, that I would probably never hear from him again, and that I had made a fuss over absolutely nothing. 

To make matters worse, Shaz asked about The Writer, and we had a brief conversation about him, and the whole glorious mess. I've decided that talking about The Writer to anyone other than my Irish friends who actually know him, and even then in the dullest of terms (ie. 'how is he doing? How's London treating him? Say hi to him from me), is something that I should simply not do. 

The rest of that day was bad. Being in my head is so hard sometimes. I overthink everything and, effectively, think myself into a deep, black hole that seems impossible to climb out of. I arrived home from work and within ten minutes found myself Laying Flat on my lounge with my fly undone (I was about to get changed out of my work clothes, and things suddenly felt all too much for me. Laying flat on the lounge seemed like the best course of action). This really was me at my melodramatic best. It was a sight to see. 

I received a social media message on my phone from a friend, Pix, and as she is going through something similar (ie. not getting called by a man that she is interested in), I decided that I would call her and complain. Pix was (shockingly) sensible about the whole thing, very pragmatic indeed. It was not what I was expecting. It made me feel slightly better. I spoke to my best friend, who had received a litany of online chat freak outs that day, later that evening, and she was very supportive of my wallowing.

Fast forward to the weekend now. I gave myself until Sunday to get all of the crazy out of my system. Luckily it was mainly gone by Friday night, after some drinks with the best friend and Shaz. I said everything I had been thinking out loud, we laughed a lot, and made some jokes at Mr. A's expense (which wasn't very nice, but it was all in good fun, and I still maintain that he is one of the loveliest men I've met in quite a long time). 

I've decided that I've simply been single too long, and my tendency to over-analyse things, and also to want to know exactly what is going to happen (did I mention that I'm also a control freak. Gosh, any man unfortunate enough to be reading this right now would be thinking I was quite the catch!) means that I am quite frankly not equipped to deal with the early stages of a relationship/friendship with a man/whatever the hell this is. 

I just really want to know where this could be going. An indication either way about the way he feels would be great right about now. I just want him to say 'I like you,' or 'you're a cool, if slightly odd, chick and I'd like to be mates.' I would probably be fine either way, a little disappointed if the latter occurred, but able to accept it and move on to the many other men here in Melbourne. I just need to know! But I have accepted that I might not find this out anytime soon, he's very busy with comedian stuff at the moment (festival time), and I'm sure I'm nowhere near the top of his list of concerns right now. So I just have to suck it up, really, and carry on the way I was before, single, and relatively content. 

In short I really just need to adhere to this sentiment:

It's never been more pertinent, really. 

Thinking soothing thoughts, 

B. J. Barnes

This post first appeared on The Brilliance Of B. J. Barnes, please read the originial post: here

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Dissect. Then Doubt, Doubt, Doubt


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