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A Letter to Men That I Date (But Mostly to Mr. A. Ok, Just to Mr. A) P. S. This is One of Those Letters That People Never Send

Dear Mr. A, 

I know we're literally only just getting to know each other. But there are a few things about me that you should probably know, because I really don't want you to get the wrong impression. 
  • I am probably not as 'cool' as some of your ex-girlfriends. I am actually a pretty big nerd;
  • In a related point, I'm not very 'indie.' I do love a lot of Indie Music, but my personality is too all over the place to settle into the indie mould. You seem a little bit indie. I might be wrong about that, because you also seem a bit nerdy. I guess we'll just have to see;
  • I don't like all the same television shows as you. You seem to like fantasy/sci-fi Stuff that's written really well. I sometimes like stuff like this. But mostly I just like trashy stuff, like Gossip Girl, or How I Met Your Mother. This is something you will have to learn to live with if you decide to date me in any ongoing sort of way; 
  • I sometimes like really terrible pop music. Really terrible. So terrible that you will judge me for it. But I'm probably not going to hide this obsession from you, like some dirty porn stash, because it's kind of exhausting to have to pretend to be only into cool, alternative, indie, rock music;
  • I am really quite bookish. I read all the time. I try to read a lot of literature, but I sometimes slip and read stuff that's pretty badly written, because it's fun for a change;
  • I guess that my love of books and music are really a reflection on the type of person I am. As a child I used books to Escape from all the rubbish going on in my parents' lives, and as a teenager I used music. As an adult I use both to escape from the fact that my life hasn't really ended up where I thought it would, and to combat the unnerving anxiety that I sometimes feel. So, sometimes, I'll probably be obsessed with a new band, or a book that I just can't put down, and you'll just have to accept that this is who I am;
  • I can be a bit flippant sometimes, and I think that that makes me come across as not as smart as I actually am. I am actually fairly intelligent, and know lots of different, random things. I'm just not an expert at any one thing, I'm more of an all-rounder. If I make an odd comment, chances are I'm not being all that serious, and haven't really thought it through. As I get older I get better at avoiding this, but I can't always control it;
  • You are incredibly intelligent. Certainly the most intelligent man I have ever been on a date with. And it makes me a little uneasy, because I get intimidated when you talk about certain things that I really should know about but don't. I've taken to nodding and smiling when you say this stuff. I'll also admit to googling certain words or topics you've discussed afterwards in an effort to feel slightly less stupid next time I see you. The fact that you're smarter than I am, combined with my sometimes flippant behaviour, makes me nervous;
  • I am a Romantic. A hopeless one. I sometimes believe in fate, and silly concepts like 'The One.' I'm not saying that I think you're 'The One,' or that it was fate that we met. But I feel like everything will work out exactly the way it's meant to for everyone eventually. And I struggle to find a reason why I feel that way, because I've really seen no evidence of this being the case;
  • In addition to being a romantic, I'm also an escapist. As I mentioned before, I use books and music to escape everything, all the time. I ran away to another country for a year just to escape the realities of day to day life. And it was the best thing I ever did. But this doesn't mean I'm flighty, it just means I'm open;
  • Did I mention that I'm also a hardcore pragmatist/realist? Confused? Yeah. Me too. Because you really shouldn't be able to be a romantic escapist at the same time as being a pragmatic realist. But I am. And I hold onto romantic concepts even though I realise that there's no proof of them. I'm not religious, but love, I guess, is what I have faith in. But I doubt myself every other day because of my realist tendencies;
  • If you can't quite put your finger on who I am, join the club. I change every other day. I have so many different interests, so many thoughts, and so many different opinions of myself, that I can totally understand why ex-boyfriends have described me as inscrutable. The King of Emotional Fuckwittery was my best friend for around three years, but he once told me he had no idea who I was, or what I was thinking. He could never read me. And I kind of liked it that way. I hold big parts of myself back, not necessarily intentionally. But I hope that you'll give me a chance to be who I am, even if that person is a bit all over the shop. And if you ever want to know what I'm thinking, just ask, I promise I'll try to explain it to you. 

I guess the overall point of this is to say, well, I like you. And I hope that you might like me too. And I hope that I'll have an opportunity to get to know you better, because you seem a little bit different too. I like that about you. 

B. J. Barnes

This post first appeared on The Brilliance Of B. J. Barnes, please read the originial post: here

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A Letter to Men That I Date (But Mostly to Mr. A. Ok, Just to Mr. A) P. S. This is One of Those Letters That People Never Send


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