2022-09-28 01:45
Justice is Coming (Part 1)These last few years, I have silently begun to work on myself, to regain my humanity from the angry animal I once was. I have begun to ask myself, "how can I p… Read More
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Perpetually Healing Blog
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"Redirecting the Shame of Childhood Sexual Abuse" This is an autobiography of my Life and how I determined to change it.
2020-08-23 20:21
I miss normalcy. Remember? The time before the amnesia lost its power. Oh how I miss that. The blessed innocence that kept the forgetting from remembering. The blessed innocence that w… Read More
2020-05-07 03:13
So it really struck me today, the deep isolation of children around the world due to the COVID-19 virus. Experts say that predators like AFB look for children that are isolated from family… Read More
2019-08-29 02:21
Sunday MeI fucking hate Sundays. One day out of every seven days of the week, four days of every month, 52 days every year for the past 32 years, a total of 1,662 days of my life that is a c… Read More
2017-12-01 00:01
I have told this story before, about how I wanted to kill myself at Christmas time. I left out an important detail for the sake of trying to keep my biological family together. I feel that i… Read More
2017-06-21 00:43
It has been a long time since I have written a story. To be honest, my treasured reader, I have struggled to find something interesting to write about. The last year has been rather or… Read More
2017-01-10 21:28
Cold wind howled outside. Snow was quickly accumulating on our front doorstep from its sideways trajectory. The weather forecast was for over a foot of wet, heavy Springtime snow. It was the… Read More
2016-08-29 01:41
“If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” Ma… Read More
2016-05-19 23:08
Body CountI look up from the shirt I am folding and notice that it is 3:20 PM, time for my children, Zoe and Liam to be walking home from school. Just then my phone rings, “Daddy,&rdqu&hell…Read More
2016-05-09 02:06
The Broken Me / The Club (Pt 2) Out of all of the cities in the United States that I could have chosen to start a church and begin teaching the bible, Las Vegas, Nevada was perhaps the least… Read More
2015-12-19 22:43
The Broken MeMy dearest reader, thank you so very much for reading Perpetually Healing over the past few years. I hope you have found as much comfort and support by reading these stories as… Read More
2015-08-06 00:39
CSA Shit2 AM, vivid memories of my spirit looking down upon a familiar looking boy completely unclothed, The boy was struggling to gain stability and read whatever was written on the pages i… Read More
2015-04-22 01:39
RoutineAt the morning alarm I quickly pulled a T-shirt over my head. Still deeply feeling anxiety from the night before, I rushed downstairs to make my two children breakfast. “Jessie… Read More
2015-03-22 19:36
Some days I just want to be free, free from the hurt and constant nagging agony of childhood sexual abuse. I want to be free from all of it and go back to the normal life prior to the recove… Read More
2014-12-24 00:31
PastorIt was a warm Sunday afternoon; birds could be heard chirping near my open bedroom window. Robins, finches and the occasional sparrow liked to perch on the television antenna tha… Read More
2014-12-05 23:42
Groggily, I descended the stairway. My two children happily greeted me. “Good morning, Daddy! I love you! What’s for breakfast? “ They said almost in unison. “What&r&hell…Read More
2014-09-12 20:25
I have been home for awhile now. The sting of the hospital, dealing with my emotions related to my mother, dealing with life in general made me exhausted. I parlayed those feelin… Read More
2014-08-31 00:14
KissesI looked across the room and saw a deep darkness along the wall opposite from where I stood. It was a strange, otherworldly darkness, not because the room was poorly lit, in fact just… Read More
2014-07-09 23:19
I learned many useful things while under suicide watch, and, during the requirement of my release, the three weeks of outpatient therapy. The most important lesson was to understand th… Read More
2014-05-14 14:47
It was a crisp, cool morning. The sunlight of a new day opened my weary eyes to endless possibilities. I got up from where I had been sleeping and arched my back in a deep stretch, groaning… Read More
2014-04-26 01:13
juxtaposition Curled into a ball I gaze out upon the world from between my knees. Distrust and fear, the world has become my snare. I never expected this to be true. He was a good man. A rel… Read More
2014-04-21 21:49
Your shame was too heavy, so you put it on me.Accustomed to your shame, like an invisible cloak, I hid from everyone.Your shame became my shame.Clutching it close like gollum's “precio… Read More
2014-04-14 15:05
Supposed toI am so very proud of my children. Landmarks of development and growth occur every day. My son has started kindergarten this year. My daughter, is in second grade and wants… Read More
2014-03-26 15:06
It was my wife’s birthday last week. I am so very grateful for her. If it wasn't for her endless patience and love toward me I wouldn't be alive today. Three years ago I took her aside… Read More
2014-02-11 03:51
Right away that morning I was called to meet with the staff psychologist, Mike.“How are you this morning, Joel?” Mike said to me. I had met him a few days earlier during the inta… Read More
2014-01-13 18:10
My suicide attempt plunged me into a stark reality of cold tiles, paper thin sheets, and total lack of privacy. Bed checks were every 15 minutes, so sleep was nearly impossible. … Read More
2013-10-17 03:54
Day after day the gaping maw of despair and confusion pursued me like a jaguar after a sickly gazelle. I felt like I was stuck in an endless loop, unable to find a way free from the pursuant… Read More
2013-09-29 19:37
My love, I have been with you since the beginning. Alone and young you came to me. I gave you the needs of your heart. I was there with my arms open, I invited you deep into my soul. We conn… Read More
2013-09-29 19:34
I finished my cigarette, and climbed down from the house-sized boulder where I was sitting. By the time I returned to my car my spirit had returned from soaring high above the treetops and g… Read More
2013-09-29 01:42
HiddenBlissful, happy, ignorant years went by, and eventually Andy and I grew apart. We finished our courses at the community college; she moved back home to Texas and I chose to continue my… Read More
2013-06-28 16:09
WingsMy spine is poking through my chest--gore of white digestive tract, brown fecal matter and white spinal fluid co-mingling into a gelatinous pinkish ooze dripped into the blood soaked so… Read More
2013-06-12 21:50
After my time at Loveland Christian School I returned to public school and began to find my way in the new noisy environment of a large traditional classroom and multiple teachers. I loved t… Read More
2013-03-25 21:28
Eventually the day came when all of the casseroles had been eaten. The grieving began to wain and turn into a throbbing ache rather than the agonizing, gut-wrenching loss. The weeks fo… Read More
2013-02-24 01:13
HideI will shut my mouth and hide behind my eyes. Alone I sit on this bus. staring out the window. I miss my daddy. I miss my friends. The kids on this bus are rude and loud. I feel small an… Read More
2013-02-06 02:12
The holidays were over. I was getting used to writing 2012. I still had many questions regarding the circumstances surrounding the abuse. The one question that stuck out the most was, &ldquo&hell…Read More
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