When I left Paul, I made a conscious decision to to continue to love him and keep being kind to him. No matter how he treated me in the moment, I continued to be sweet to him and to treat him like I love him. In the wise words of John Mayer, love is a verb.
During the process of conscious uncoupling, it got a little dicey. One time in particular I remember actually taking the bait and going off on him. I remember blogging about it actually. But other than that one time, I was kind to him and wished him nothing but goodness. I even wished him well on our anniversary and on birthdays. He wasn't speaking to me at the time, so he didn't actually see the posts...but the universe did.
He really hated me for a long time after I left. I would creep on his instagram account and see posts that said stuff like, "I really miss you...just kidding. Fuck off." LMAO They didn't hurt my feelings, they actually made me laugh because I knew he thought he hated me, but really loved me.
I've spoken about this before... because of Paul's Asperger's he doesn't feel or process emotions the same way as most people. Any strong emotion...sadness, hurt, anger, depression...gets translated as hate. So, in essences, the stronger he "hates" someone, it actually means the more he loves them and was really hurt by them. I broke his heart, therefore he "hated" me.
A few months ago, he was heavy on my heart, so I emailed him a long letter telling him that I know he hates me, but that I wanted to let him know that I love him and hope he and the kids are doing well. He responded right away saying that he could never hate me and that he loves and misses me. He says he keeps his distance because it would hurt his heart to see pictures of me with someone else. I assured him that I wasn't even dating anyone and he came out of his shell a little bit.
Since then, we have spoken nearly every day. Not rekindling anything (although he has made it clear that he would be okay with that), but just as the friends we should be. We joke, play, snapchat, laugh, share news of the day, etc. It's just sweet and it's awesome because I really miss him. And I know he misses me.
Imagine how different this outcome would be if I had chosen not to act in love. I would have burned a bridge. Instead of being sweet, it would be tense and awkward because of the bad blood between us. I learned a valuable lesson through this breakup and that is that love is love. It is kind. Anything else isn't love at all.