So I completely forgot my Insulin last night. I have an alarm set on my phone for 11 PM to take it but for some reason I had accidently shut it off which I sometimes I do. I usually catch it an hour or two later but I didn’t until the middle of the night so I never ended up taking it.
So needless to say I have been in the double digits most of the day today. not super high. Like mostly 9s, 10s and 11s. Missing one days not bad but if I miss more then I’m in the high teens. My highest yet since starting insulin last year was 23 and it made me feel so crappy. I was so lethargic and had to pee every 5 minutes, my head hurt and I was cranky and irritable. I get very cranky and irritable the higher my Blood Sugar goes. I’m glad I didn’t go to high today.
On the other hand trying to find the right dose of insulin is so frustrating. At one point I was was too high. My Endo wanted me to be in between 4.3 and 6.7 mmol. 4.3 fasting up to no higher then 6.7 1 hour after eating. But that was when I was taking mealtime insulin. Up to 5 shots a day. One injection of intermediate acting insulin in the morning and one in the evening. Then 1 injection before each meal of short acting Insulin. This was causing a lot of bad lows. I hate the feeling of a low. It absolutely terrifies me. I remember when I was a teenager like 16 or 17 we used to babysit a little girl who was 4 who was diabetic. My mom ran a daytime and her and I were educated by a diabetes educator on administering insulin, food education, how to spot lows and highs etc.
Back then it was a needle and syringe and testing urine for keystones etc. But I remember some of it. I used to babysit her on the weekends occasionally as her parents trusted me and I was careful and mature and my mom was literally the next street over. I remember her having lows. now I can appreciate as a child of 4 when she recovered how terrified she was. How she felt.
When I go low I sometimes feel it and sometimes don’t. Hence the continuous scanning of my Libre. If I feel it I get shaky and slow. I feel like I’m moving through a vat of molasses. Time stands still. I get confused and combative and hungry. So hungry. I want to eat the fridge. Not just what’s on it but the whole damn fridge.
The confusion makes me feel stupid at work. I forget my train of thought. I can’t concentrate. I have a hard time forming words and especially sentences. It happens a lot if I have a break or lunch scheduled and o get caught on a call that takes to long. And then my confusion makes the call seem longer and sometimes the customers get annoyed. What can I say “Sorry I’m having a hard time processing thoughts or understanding what your saying because I’m diabetic and my blood sugar is too low because you won’t stop asking me questions and I can’t take my break that I am now 15 minutes overdo for?” Can’t exactly say that…
That was mostly before my Freestyle Libre and I was also testing my blood sugar before and after every meal, at every snack and wake and bed time. It still happens often though even with it. But yeah, so many needles! I don’t know how many diabetics do it.
I remember sitting at the hospital with the diabetic nurse who was showing me how to use an insulin pen and I was literally terrified to stick the needle in. She jabbed herself with the demo one 2 or 3 times in the time it took me to do it once and no word of a lie… I was crying the tears were running down my face and I felt like an idiot. I hate hate hate needles. I wish I could say it’s easier now but even after a year there are times I have to really force myself to give myself an injection and I’m only doing it once a day now thanks to the new insulin I am on.
I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to go back on the mealtime insulin. A pump would be great but I don’t think Manulife covers it and the Nova Scotia government only covers it if your under 25. Which sucks. Maybe a move to another province is in order. At least I can move with my job potentially if we wanted to.
Eddie’s been a great help and support and cheerleader throughout my adjustment period. He’ll talk me into giving myself insulin when I’m ready to give up.
My parents on the other hand who have always been extremely supportive in everything I do or we do and who are both diabetic themselves have surprised me a little. My dad tells me I’m being silly and that it doesn’t hurt to give an injection. Even though he admitted it sometimes does and my mom well my mom seems to have just said fuck it all. She doesn’t check her blood sugar.
I think she does take her insulin which she actually started taking after I did but she bitches about it every step of the way. That insulin is stupid and that we should just be left alone to die in peace if we don’t feel like taking insulin or changing our habits and that the doctors push it on people who don’t need it etc. She’s really negative about it and then she gets on my case saying I shouldn’t be taking it and that I’m not trying hard enough to control it without etc. it’s kind of annoying. I worry about her and my dad he can’t remember and she doesn’t want to and me I want to do everything right but at the same time I don’t and I know I don’t. it’s so frustrating.
This post first appeared on A Story About A Girl – This My Life Or Something Like It, please read the originial post: here