Mental health is something that I have written about fairly often, because it affects so many of us and it is something we all need to talk about more. And this post is going to be a slightly more Personal Account than others for exactly that reason. Although it scares me to write this, we will not break down the stigma until we all start sharing…
Today is one of my Bad Days.
For about two or three weeks now, I have been experiencing a pretty bad depressive episode. My relationship with depression is what I believe to be quite minor, as I find it comes in waves quite sporadically. I can go months without being too bad and then all of a sudden, everything becomes dark and I have no idea how long it will last or what brings it on. For me these episodes involve feeling isolated, feeling like my friends don’t like me anymore, feeling generally distant from those close to me, becoming physically unwell, getting paranoid about literally everything and heightened feelings of anxiety. This is just a basic summary of what day to day life can feel like for me Personal when I am having a ‘bad day’.
Today, in particular, I want nothing more than to curl up in a ball and forget about the world. Today, my mind is running around in circles convincing me that everyone hates me, that I’m worthless, and that nobody really gives a shit about my life. But as much as I want to lock myself away, I get up and get on with my day and nobody is any the wiser. Today, part of me wants to confide in a friend but most of me is far to terrified.
But I still got out of bed. I still left the house. I still tried. Yes, I spent most of the day hiding in my bedroom having the occasional cry and moments of panic. But I tried.
Today is one of my bad days. But I survived.