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Now but How


Things have been. They were going rather well. Then, for some reason, things became less stable. It's a little Difficult to try to explain. There are a lot of factors going on right now. Being a list maker, I am simply going to write out the factors that have been affecting my mood.

  • Summer - Too much free time is NOT my friend.
  • Work - I got a job! This adds to my personal worth but also Brings its own stressors.
  • Medications - The psychiatrist and I are working on some adjustments. It is hard to tell if they are helping, hurting, or having little effect.
  • ECT - #7 was my last treatment. They seemed to be really helping, up until treatment #7... for who knows what reason.
  • Family - Kids bring stress. Who would have thought?
  • School - It is about to start, which brings tasks and anticipation.
That's not an exhaustive list, but sums up the most important aspects of this inner battle. I seem to have depressive dips once or twice a day right now. Strong episodes of despair and hopelessness. They seem to last 30 minutes to 2 hours. Once I get through it, things just keep going as usual and are good again. It is difficult to discern the cause of these episodes. Each time the factors of what has been going on and immediately preceding the episode are different. 

Work Type Activities

I did get a job, which I am very proud of. This has lifted my spirits. It was unlike any interview process I have ever experienced. First came hours of specific safety training. Then came a process of summarizing 9 research articles. Then came an hour-long powerpoint presentation of an article that I chose (and relates to their research lab) on tumor-targeting nanoparticles. (The lab is researching a novel way of targeting and killing cancer cells.) I was pleased to get a unanimous decision from the reviewers to be hired for the position. 

From Here

I hate going into the school year, which starts next week, feeling unstable. But it is what it is.

This post first appeared on Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide, please read the originial post: here

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