It is difficult to stay awake today.....
And now it is later, about 5 hours later. I met with my doctor yesterday and he understood that the Zoloft wasn't working for me. The current plan is to try me on a medication that isn't necessarily for my condition, but may be related via my ocd and difficulties concentrating. After giving that medication a couple of weeks, to see if it is helpful or to leave it behind, we will try me on Effexor. The Zoloft and Effexor, besides having antidepressant effects, is being utilized at a higher dose to combat my ocd tendencies that cause cyclical and obsessive thoughts that I struggle to cope with. Like my bipolar depression, the doctor thinks that my ocd presents in less-severe and somewhat non-typical fashion. By "less-severe" I mean in that it doesn't affect every second of my day, such as constantly having to wash my hands, but that when it does I cannot get rid of the thoughts. I agree with the bipolar depression; however, I am unsure about the ocd. I do not understand the ocd well enough to understand if I have minor ocd, or if I just have rigid habits and tendencies. I will have to read more into where the line is that divides the two. And ruminating on oppressive thoughts do not seem to be exclusive to ocd and I believe could simply be out of depression or anxiety. We may be barking up the wrong tree to try and address those thoughts this way.
I have been on Effexor in the past, but I really cannot remember when. If memory serves (and it doesn't always), I think that I was on it back in high school, along with Buspar and Xanax for anxiety. It is because of that, I do not have anything good to say about it (although I don't really have anything bad to say about it either). But that was a long time ago and the minuscule memory of that medication is tainted by my horrible experience with Xanax. When I first started having psych issues, I had horrible anxiety attacks, which I took the Xanax for. While it treated the immediate symptoms, I got addicted to it and weaning off it was a nightmare full of withdrawals and resultant anxiety meltdowns. I would take Xanax again if it was really needed, but only prn and not on a regular basis. Just not worth it.
This post first appeared on Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide, please read the originial post: here