My therapist challenged me to look back on times when I found self-worth and self-respect, to figure out what exactly made me feel that way. This mostly involves looking back to when I was in a professional career, and perhaps even further to my early years in college. I haven't made lists before, but I think this will work better than the long form. Let's give it a go.
- Positive Aspects
- I was good at what I did, often without even trying very hard.
- At other times I worked my ass off and was even better at things.
- I tried and worked hard.
- I Succeeded, no matter what.
- I was rewarded for my hard work and given favorable treatment.
- I had some small power to make change and get rid of people that brought the department down.
- I could do things with less second guessing myself and without looking back, and be correct.
- Potentially Negative Aspects
- I was able to be mean and ruthless towards people I thought were worthless.
- At school I was able to chuckle at slackers and watch them fail.
- I even succeeded at times that I thought I didn't deserve it.
This can be a bit to digest, so I am going to pluck out my main themes.
- Distilled Aspects
- working hard and gave effort
- success, power, and confidence
- things were easy and I won
- liked/respected by others
Let's go from there.
This post first appeared on Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide, please read the originial post: here