Men are weird. If it wasn’t for the fact that some of y’all are cute/CGI*, I’d probably try and find a way to do away with you complete. Over the years, I’ve compiled a list of dating pet peeves: things guys do that are downright creepy, bizarre, annoying, and guaranteed to get them cancelled by yours truly. Here they are:
Numero uno: Men who ask you what you ate today and/or how you slept.
I’m lowkey on the fence about this one. It both annoys me and touches my heart at the same time. Do you really care what I ate today? How does the quality of my sleep affect your life? I can see how some people might think it’s cute (awww, he cares about you!) but if you’re not asking your boys how they slept, I’m not 100% sure I want you asking me either. There’s an exception to this rule: if you’re asking me what I ate today because you’re trying to buy me dinner…say no more fam. I could eat.
2. When men ask you what you’re buying them if you tell them you’re at the mall/Target/grocery store/anywhere really.
I NEVER LEARNED TO SHARE!
3. Thirst buckets who make the most innocuous conversations about sex.
You’ll be texting a guy that seems great, telling him how you’re sad because your beloved childhood dog finally gave up the ghost and died last night, when he suddenly asks you what y’all would be doing if he was there to comfort you. Pretty sure I’d be crying on your shoulder, not sucking your d*ck, so…can you not? Talk about an instant turn off. My dog just died. Have some tact and let the conversation flow naturally from G to NC-17 at some other time. It could happen, but a tragic conversation about my dog ain’t it. (Author’s note: I don’t have a dog but I’m pretty sure this scenario has happened before, is a meme, or both).
4. Fellas who ask you to send a pic.
I cannot stand a “send me a pic” ass nigga. It’s cute the first two or three times. “Awww, he wants to see me even though it’s 6:30am and there’s crust in my eyes and I have my bonnet on!!” If you ask me more times than that, you will be directed to Instagram. Selfies for days. Let me be spontaneous, or at least wash my face first. If a woman wants to send you a pic, she will. You don’t have to constantly ask. Which leads me to the top tier worst “send me a pic” dudes: the ones that really just want you to send an artfully curated nude. You can usually tell the difference between a “you’re beautiful, I wanna see your pretty face” send me a pic, and a “I’m tryna guess what bra size you wear from how them bags are hanging” send me a pic. Usually because the latter will straight up tell you to show him your titties if you screw up and send a basic photo of your face the first time.
5. Sleazeballs that send you unsolicited dick pics.
It’s normal nowadays to say two words to a guy and get visually assaulted by a DP. “Hello, how’s it going?” somehow equates to “🤔 maybe she wants to see my d*ck” in the minds of these gross offenders. I’m still puzzling over how and why it continues to happen, and I want to know what women out there are encouraging it to the point that men continue to do it. PSA: Women do not want dicktures unless we ask for them!!! And believe it or not, women do ask. Just be patient and not disgusting. It’s the easiest way to not wind up blocked.
An honorable mention goes to the guys that send you “wyd” texts every 2 hours. Have you no other questions in your repertoire? Is that truly the best that you can do? Why can’t you spare the extra 2 seconds it takes to type out the full question? What are you doing, bruh? Besides being annoying, that is.
The day I meet a guy that doesn’t do any of these things during the talking phase, I’m going to turn into this young lady here (please watch so you can understand). What are some dating turn offs that you have? Let’s commiserate!
*CGI = could get it, not computer-generated imagery. Just in case you were wondering…