Driving home for a long day of work I decided to take the long route home. Driving through the side streets, I started to wonder about my life and where was I headed. The house with a white picket fence was always the plan I thought as I drove through the neighborhood. 

Recently I developed a relationship with a young women, we will call her “Mel.” I was head over heels for this women, she even enjoyed working out together. I felt like I was on cloud nine. We recently started to say the “L” word if you could believe it. Everything was perfect, almost too perfect.

 It was Mel asking if we could talk. I wasn’t worried. We don’t fight or get angry at each other, what is the worst that can happen? When I get home I couldn’t wait to get on the phone to talk to her (felt like a school kid again). The phone kept ringing and ringing, “maybe she was going to call me?” I thought out loud. Three days passed without talking to her. In the middle of the day I get a text from her; It reads “I am sorry but I just can’t do this, you seem so perfect, we don’t fight or argue, I feel like we are way too comfortable with each other.” My heart drops. What does she mean that we are way too comfortable? I text back with no reply. No reply ever again.

This is a story I hear over and over again. Man gets women, women gets scared because of complacency, Women leaves man. It’s not our fault, we didn't do anything wrong right? Time and time again, I hear the same old sob story about how the girl felt like it was moving too fast or not moving too fast. I think that is just bull. Recently I was on the other side of the spectrum. I started to date this girl. She was nice and beautiful, giving me lots of attention but that's all it was. I felt a connection but didn’t feel like I was getting what all good relationships needed.

So I developed a three step method to utilize if you feel things are becoming too comfortable.

-     Most men become very comfortable and therefore needy. This is a big no no. You need to be seen as her equal not a groveling dog. Create space between her and you. You don’t need to see her every day, go do things for yourself.

      This is a piggy back off of the first step. If you are able to see her every day that means you are not a busy person. You my friend have become complacent. Start to tackle some of those goals that you set aside. Get a degree, lose weight, start a side business, whatever it is do it. It not only shows that you care for your life but helps her understand where you stand in hers. It increases your value in the relationship.

      Now that you are out of the house and have become a busy man, she may want some time with you. This is where you can plan something special. You may want to plan a picnic at sunset or a romantic dinner (cooked by you) at home where you can cuddle and watch a romantic comedy. Try to keep the relationship different and fun.