It is Parent Alienation Awareness Day 2018.
The abuse of Children and their alienated parent’s civil rights is happening in every town, every day.
But the fact that people still need to be educated to understand what it means, speaks volumes.
Because people who aren’t experiencing it either ignore it or just don’t get it.
They say things like:
“How can you expect us to believe that your child has turned against you because your former partner made them?”
or
“Nobody could be that cruel to do that to their own children. The courts would stop it”
Well, sadly the truth is quite the contrary.
As the now millions of people suffering this worldwide know, parent alienation is a deliberate and calculated process. It is the product of many repetitions of negative behaviour that, over time, makes a relationship with the targeted parent so uncomfortable because of the behaviour of the targeting parent (usual the one they live with because they have more time and opportunity), that the child has no choice but to reject the parent they don’t live with. And the courts do nothing to stop it, often making the process worse.
What that does is plant a psychological time bomb that will ruin their lives.
In this post, fathers, mothers, grandparents, step-parents and siblings who have contacted us via the Peace not PAS network, give actual snapshots of how PA manifests itself and the common tactics deployed. See how many you recognise:
“ She split the children up using new boyfriend to love-bomb our youngest, often in front of me. Then when the boyfriend cheated on her and left under a shadow of suspected child abuse, quite incredibly she then blamed US for making him leave and the kids were clearly ashamed.”
“Pressurising the eldest whenever she came over to spy on us, take money and use her phone (which we didn’t know she had) to take photos/videos etc of the house”
“Using the eldest as the “negotiator” an adult role, then setting up clashes of arrangements so the child was in an impossible position.
“Not agreeing holidays or forward dates despite knowing how this will impact work arrangements etc…..relishing the power it gives her over us”
“Crying hysterically during pickup, terrifying the children”
“Forcing pickup from alien places that the kids don’t like”
“Marching into our house but never letting us into hers for “security” reasons creating a whole “fear” culture….yet she was happy for me to spend five years with the children as babies, in my sole care.”
” Advised the children that if they did not like anything I did as a parenting skill, to call the police. Incredibly they did on numerous occasions.”
“ Made false allegations of alcohol and verbal/emotional and sexual abuse, none of which were found to have any truth but there were no consequences for wasting police time or causing me and my partner extreme distress”
“Booking things when the child should be at his dads, he knew what he had to choose”
“Throwing away and breaking toys, books or any gifts / cards purchased for children”
“Encouraging children to do harmful (dangerous) things to physically hurt our family members, pets and even our trees and flowers in yard!”
“Punishing the children for expressing any joy regarding their time spent with us so they would phone us up in floods of hysterical tears and blame us.”
“Kids won’t take anything to Mum’s we buy them as it becomes a red rag to a bull.”
“Frequent involvement of the police- allegations of abuse, restraining orders and arrests (accusations of breaching restraining order)”
“Teaching a 3 year old to say “Daddy is horrible” and much worse to neighbours, nursery workers and social workers. Claiming these are completely his own words and that actually she constantly tells him “how much Daddy loves him”
“Outright refusing any contact, even when dad begged for it :(“
”Children are not allowed to mention our names at their mum’s house or are punished severely.”
“Ipad banned from 10yr old for 4 days because my step daughter messaged me to say she missed me. She was told if she ever messaged ‘that woman’ again her Ipad would be destroyed”
“Mother has supervised every moment I’ve spent with my daughters since we separated.”
“Youngest daughter told me on phone (aged6): “Daddy said if we see you we’ll be taken away”
“Forcing all communication through the children”
“Threats and acts of physical violence followed by false reports to the police in order to “get in there first”
“Love bombing the children with pets, gifts, special/adult perks and then trying to turn them against me”
“I apparently jumped in front of an ambulance to seek attention and deliberately drove my car into a ditch. I allegedly tried to kill my self several times in front of several children”
“I was hospitalised for a week with meningitis last year but it was apparently for attention and to gain my children’s sympathy, and I’d lied about staying in for so long!”
“Threatening physical violence from her family members if I show up at the court ordered time to pick them up.”
“Telling me to give her money (on top of what she already has) otherwise I don’t get to see them”
“False allegations of physical violence, mental abuse and even rape, all dis-proven yet continually raised in legal letters with NO consequences”
“Keep parent out of resident parents house yet absolutely no safeguarding issues indicated.”
“Monitoring every single phone contact. Allowing child no privacy to speak to target parent”
“Constantly refer to “contact with MY/HER child or “visiting” rights”
“Telling the Judge that my 3 year old daughter was hitting the floor with a stick, saying ” I am killing my Daddy”
“Telling the Judge that I can’t be around our children without a beer in my hand.”
“Telling the Judge that my 3 year old’s constipation has improved since I moved out.”
“Sexualizing the fact that my daughters saw me naked to 70 + year old Judge.”
“Withholding cards and letters and poems expressing my love.”
“Refusing my daughter’s wishes to even call me”
“When my ex and her parents and friends badmouthed me if my daughter spoke up she was called a traitor and a spy in the camp.”
“Love bombing my daughter’s who now won’t speak to me at all whilst treating my sons as second class whenever they have both”
“Told kids I had left her so was leaving them all and no longer loved them.”
“False allegations of physical harm.”
“Telling kids they didn’t deserve a dad like me.”
“Alienator told the children in the months before their father married me that she was dating him again but she hadn’t even spoken with him”
“She told children to steal my favorite clothes and bring them to her; when I searched for my favorite jeans one day, the girls laughed at me and stated “mother told us to tell you a “ghost” stole them.”
“Alienator told the children she was a vampire witch and cast a spell against people she hated- and that she hated us and would hate them too if they weren’t careful”
“Told the children to give me the silent treatment. I was to blame for the divorce and I was not worthy of their love and attention any more so they must forget I existed.”
“Now extended to FaceTiming/messaging her step sister; they were best friends, every other weekend was a sleepover party for them. They loved it, BM hated it so stopped it. My daughter kept trying to message her step sister but after months of no replies, she gave up. Especially sad when it’s the children they hurt.”
“Deliberately not being in when it was our time to collect children, then telling children that we didn’t come for them because “Daddy has a new family now.”
“Hit me with the car when I was waiting by the gate”
“She had an affair & asked my husband to move out 2yrs before we got together. With her hatred to me & my children you would have thought he had an affair with me.”
“Throwing away the phone we had been using to text each other, and letters going missing.”
“Co-opting / involving school and health professionals and school-gate Mums by repeating false allegations. “
“Our middle grandson was told his birthday party would have to be cancelled because they had no money now …as Nanny and Grandad had taken it all and their son was just like them”
“We the grandparents are not to be mentioned to them or allowed in their home ever again.”
“Latest one is asking my son’s kids to admit they love me more than her then punishing them if they don’t answer.”
“I could go on indefinitely, it seems she is only limited by imagination in thinking up ways to turn my children against me. It might be worth noting her parents are equally as vindictive. I thought it would stop over time if I kept behaving reasonably, 4 1/2 years later it’s getting worse if anything.”
“Youngest contaminated my eye makeup by dipping mascara wand in toilet- I had an eye infection so severe, I lost partial vision in my right eye permanently. When they heard about it- the oldest grinned…youngest stated her mother gave her a tutorial on what to do to my makeup to make me “sick”
“Within 2 days of moving in with new partner she had attacked her daughter on Facebook, sent the police round claiming we were “ganging up on her”, sent kids round with phones to film the house and told 5 year old to leave house for neighbours claiming we were imprisoning her. Also her boyfriend wrote a letter for youngest claiming she didn’t love me any more and wanted his family instead. He admitted this after leaving her.”
“Mother treats our young kids like her partner, over-sharing inappropriate things.”
“She framed/frames child’s time with Dad’s family as unfortunate obligation
Mother repeatedly told/tells child he will be able to/is now old enough to choose to not see Dad at all (note past tense…they no longer come to see us)”
“Allowing the children to “decide” whether to spend time with their father or not, then scheduling events during visits or undermining the value of time spent with Dad, giving them ultimatums where (obviously) they are not going to choose to visit, withholding love or gifts if they go on visits”
“Lying to them about their father in order to make them afraid of visiting him, ie. telling them that his neighbourhood is unsafe and if they visit they might be in danger, implying that their father is inherently dangerous and that visiting him puts the children in peril”
“Falsely accusing Dad and his family of abuse, both past and present, towards Mom as well as the children, the alienator presenting a “Victim Complex” and blaming their behaviour on their (supposed) mistreatment by the target parent, repeatedly involving the Child Services to investigate false claims of bullying, terrorizing and physical violence”
“Generally associating visits with negative thoughts and feelings, then blaming the target parent for those things when they are actually stemming from the Alienator”
All pretty detestable behaviour, I’m sure most decent parents would agree. But by far and away the most commonly mentioned tactic, the one to trump all others, was this one:
“They [the alienator] simply refuses to comply with court orders claiming the kids don’t want to and they know that the court will do nothing because they control all of the children’s events, friendships, schooling arrangements completely and with absolutely no reference to me/us.
They refuse to even let us speak to the kids now.
Yet they lives in the home I paid for.”
We would like to say a big thank you to every single person that contributed to the above article. It takes courage to not only live with what is being done to us, but sometimes it can take courage to put pen to paper and actually see the abuse in black and white; for that is what parental alienation is, abuse. Plain and simple.
Once again, thank you
The Peace Not Pas Team
