I am in a Relationship with a guy 14 years older than me. I am 25. If you’re wondering how it feels like being with him, or how it feels like being judged, or how it feels like getting awkwardly noticed by random people while you’re on a date, well, it feels great. Okay, sometimes, people are annoying. Some friends you didn’t expect to judge you, is now judging you. Some people who didn’t care about you, now knows everything about you. Great, right? Knowing who actually understands and supports you is a great feeling. And knowing those who really don’t, well, let’s just say this is a wonderful chance to really know them.

I am, for the first time, feeling genuinely happy. I feel brave. I feel safe. I feel comfortable. Well, I feel pain, too. And sometimes I cry. Sometimes I feel sad, I am angry, mad. But for the first time, I feel like growing up.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this. Our relationship isn’t secret but we try to make it private. Being with him makes me realize we don’t need too much exposure or too much attention and too much talk won’t bring any help. But I just want to write something not about us, but about how he came into my life, how I welcomed him, and how much he changed me. 

No, I don’t feel old. I feel like I am getting there, being more mature than a 25-year-old woman could be. Not because my boyfriend is 39, but because he’s helping me grow up. We’re almost four months now, and I know it is too early for me to say “he’s the one”, but I am truly grateful he’s in my life now.

Welcoming Jesus in my life

NOPE, I have no plans on converting or transferring to another religious group (yet, because I’m honestly open about it). Nope, I’m not having a big step from being neutral about religion. Nope, I’m not trying to blend into the “bandwagon” whatever about reading the Bible.

I am a Bible reader, a God believer, a visitor of the church even before I met R. My faith wasn’t that strong, though. But R, though he has no idea, is helping me realize there’s more than the Bible, more than the “God” we believe in, more than those wonderful religious architectures, there’s more than those things, and that is faith. Positivity. Honesty. And Love.

Trusting love

I know this is cheesy, and I’m not a person who’s expert on that. I’m not expert on trusting love, as well. I have this “disability” to trust someone or even to trust love because of what I experienced from the past.

To be honest, I’m still not sure I can trust R. (Wait, R, are you reading my blog?) Of course, you don’t want to give your 100% trust to anyone, like duh? But, again, to be honest,  I’m almost there. He’s gaining my trust soooo fast, sometimes I don’t know what to do. Control it or give in. Because I know if you love someone, you must trust them.

Having a bucket list

Haha of course I have my own bucket list, but it’s more nice to have someone to do it with. Just earlier today we made our “viviendo el sueno” and it was fun talking about it and thinking about when to do it or how, or why. LOL it was just fun. I really we can do all those things together.

I really want to write more about us. Or him. Or myself being with him. So whatever, #R.

R, if you’re reading this, please don’t laugh. I know my grammar is poor, I know this is cheesy, but please don’t laugh or.. you know what I can do.