The holidays are almost over- a phrase I keep telling myself to make it from day to day. My Christmas was made and created by me. I know it sounds sorta sad in a way if you think about. I loved the gifts I got, my mother, my brother, and his boyfriend. However, I am astounded in the power of rage a person can have over an argument that was not in anyway my fault. I don’t like chess because I always lose.
My one trait that I carry through me like a burning candle is Hope. A hope that even in darkness I will find a way to make it through the impossible and succeed. This week has been a rough one for the celebrity community and life in general.
We have lost two great people in the celebrity world. Two people who if you are a nerd like me have a tendency to make growing up fun. Carrie Fisher and George Michaels have both passed away this week. If you don’t know Carrie Fisher she is princess Leia in star wars. ( Honestly, I loved the cut scene of her at the end of —welp I won’t spoil that.) George Michaels is one of my favorite vocalists of all time who can sing almost identically with Freddie Mercury. With those two great losses added to our varying of deaths in the celeb world we have come to cherish the living celebs who are still breathing like Stephen King and Ozzy Osbourne.
Anyways, I say it has been hard with life in general as well because I have taken to having to take cab rides home from work and barely have money to make it day to day. It’s like striving for a candy bar means scrounging through change like a child with a piggy bank.
Alas, It is the hopeless who falter before life altering decisions. I have realized the people who have given up all hope are the one’s sitting drinking away their problems while staring at an empty bottle wondering how life got that way. I am in a situation where my only option is to either let a man who only cares about saving the money that he earns by giving it to other people that don’t respect him be right, or go along my merry way using cabs/public transportation till I can get myself grounded. No biggie right?
I won’t let people make me hopeless. I won’t let my situation of being poor lead me into a place of darkness. I refuse to be unhappy about all the things I don’t have. I want to relish in what I do have which my cat, and two family members, with a boatload of friends that will help me.
My favorite place to retreat to during all this pain is my music or shows. Music heals my feelings, guides my fingers, and plays along in my head to keep me going. We will not be the hopeless that are like sheep being herded by wolves for death.
So what invokes hope within me? What keeps the passion of life dwelling in my soul like a lit flame when everything including the people who should be there for me are against me?
I don’t believe in an end. It is that simple. I think when we die we may wake up and all of this is just an elongated coma telling the tale of how we passed away. If you life your life yearning for death you meet a sorrowful way to live but if you live your life against the odds as a pawn and overtake the king maybe…just maybe hope will pull through.
Hope is not an object, and we won’t find it in a person. Hope is inside us and it can drain. “ The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope.” In our day and age everyone is chasing after pleasure with no true value.
We see it in players, we see it in divorces, and we see it in friendships. If we continue to play life as if there is no joy in having hope we will see an end.
What do you feel hope means to you?
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