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If You're Alone This Thanksgiving


Being alone never feels quite so acute as it does on holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Whether you're alone-alone or alone-with-your-spouse, it's painful to see all those staged Facebook photos and imagine everyone else feasting, chatting and actually enjoying spending time with their big, happy families when your home is so quiet, by fate or by choice.

I know exactly how you feel. For 20+ years, my family's holidays were Norman Rockwell's Freedom from Want on steroids. Picture perfect. Everyone acting like they actually liked each other.

But sometimes the quietest family member is the only one holding the family together. When Grandpa quietly died in 2000, well, truth-will-out. My uncle finally got to kick his sister (my mom) to the curb. One thing led to another and today Michael and I find ourselves alone together each holiday...because we won't put up with the toxic, personality disordered, pathological lying and abuse of our families by birth/by law anymore. Not even for one miserable holiday.

Even though we have each other, there's still a feeling of aloneness that hurts acutely at holiday times and there are probably millions of people worldwide in the same boat.


Almost six long years ago, I first wrote about this topic for the Huffington Post. (No, I was never a liberal. Yes, the Huff let me write for them anyways. I wasn't writing about politics back then!)

The article was titled Why I Choose To Be Alone At Christmas and apparently aloneness-at-Christmas is common enough for Toronto's Newstalk 1010 to briefly interview me about the article. You can read it by clicking here, but I wouldn't suggest it. I was pretty raw back then. Bitter, hurting and unhealed.

Basically the gist of it was that a fancy, decadent holiday isn't worth subjecting yourself to the severe abuses of a toxic family, if you have the misfortune to have one of those. Most toxic families work very hard at driving you away, but when you finally get the hint and actually go, then they play the victim and punish you for going. That's not love. That's not family.

Solomon said it best in Proverbs 17:1:



As an introvert, loneliness isn't something I've struggled with much. I was an only child and friendships were sometimes discouraged, so my sphere was my parents and my books. Later in the midst of career burnout, I cherished living alone (with Adele the Bichon) in 2011, just before meeting Michael online.

But even introverts can get lonely, especially on holidays (when your spouse falls fast asleep), and my dad gave me some pretty good advice for coping with loneliness during that awkward time in Junior High when I sat alone, day after day, at lunchtime. That advice blended into an amazing story going back to the 1920s that I published in 2017 on my PsychCentral blog in an article titled If You're Alone on Thanksgiving.

The blog has since been obliterated (too many references to God!?) but you can still view it using the Wayback Machine or the PDF attached. If you're alone this Thanksgiving, I hope it brings you comfort.
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I hope you all know how grateful I am for each and every one of you. If you feel lonely this Thanksgiving, just send me an email.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, Patriots!!! #trumptriumphant

This post first appeared on Lenora Thompson, Writer Of Narcissism, please read the originial post: here

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If You're Alone This Thanksgiving


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