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What's worst?

9:49pm

What's worst than having no school and no jobs. Having your parents and friends roast you for your failure. What's worst than staying home everyday, scrolling through endless job opportunities that none is interested to hire/reply. Having to look for private schools who is willing to accept a GPA lower than a grain. What's the peer pressure for, when your friends lowkey criticize you just because you can't get into a government school. That constant reminder set as alarm; which tells you you're not good enough to fit in.

What's worst than crying secretly in your room, then having your parents to nag you for not showing enough effort. What's worst than having constant anxiety attack, praying GOD PLEASE OPEN YOUR EARS AND HEAR MY PLEAD. I am praying for a second chance, I am praying to be right this time. I am praying not for the sake of praying, but because I am at wits end. I am getting weaker as each day pass by, I am getting depressed as each comment arise.

You said God tend to give chances to people who pleaded right? Why didn't I get it then. What's worst than having your appeals rejected by all schools in Singapore, and that 3 pages essay didn't quite add up to their standard, but other hooligans get their chance just because "they are lucky".

Why do people always assume we are strong just because we presented ourselves as it is. Why is society always rejecting the rejected, and accepting those who didn't have the effort to put up a good fight.

Someone once told me not to complain and accept the way as it is. Well if I wasn't treated the way people don't want to be treated, I would have kept my mouth shut and accept reality.

FUCK.

The ultimate solution as for now is to keep trying right? As one might say it, "Don't give up hope, just keep trying."

But...

What if God already gave up on me, and keep trying is just a motivation platform to keep me going? To actually keep one from ending it all?



This post first appeared on My Recovery, please read the originial post: here

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