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Heatwaves

As I write this, it's roughly 26-27 degrees outside today where I'm at.  It's hot, and I'm sweating like an unpopular politician on election night.  Now, depending on where you are from, you might say that's nothing.  And in many places, you would be quite right.  That's not hot - that's cold, if you happen to live within the tropical boundaries of the Earth.

It doesn't always get like this.  In fact, it normally hovers a couple of degrees lower on average.  In Auckland, however, you need to factor in another variable alongside temperature - humidity.  It's common for the humidity to rise further north of 90 percent.  I first noticed just how big a difference humidity makes on a trip to Perth last year, where the average temperature hovered around the 28-30 degree mark.  I found that temperature to be quite bearable, even comfortable.  However, the humidity of Perth is a lot lower than that of Auckland.  And even when I arrived at the Perth International Airport for my trip back to New Zild, the 35-36 degree outdoor temperature hit hard.  But it wasn't going to kill me any time soon.  Humidity is really what hits you for six in Auckland.

And whilst we are talking about Australia, it seems that the country has been experiencing some of the highest temperatures as of late, with temperatures in some parts of South Australia pushing 50 degrees Celsius, temperatures so high they had to add another color to the meteorological charts.  Of course, this is somewhat unimaginable for us Kayways on this side of the Tasman.  And I can only hope the mercury never escalates to such extremes, especially with our high humidity.  I could probably make a living as an artist standing perfectly still in public in swim shorts pretending to be a novelty fountain statue with all the sweating I'd be doing, sweat pouring down me like a flushed urinal, and with a hose fed into my mouth, both to keep me hydrated and the sweat coming.

But now the great Australian heatwave is making itself known over here on the other side of the ditch, with recorded temperatures reaching a high of 37 degrees in some places.  Everyone is sweating like a hooker in church, or like a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest. Roads are melting and people are jumping into swimming pools like stoners at an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant. Some bigwigs are speculating that the temperature could potentially top 40.  Yikes.  But there is a sort of silver lining, I suppose - power consumption will go down when people figure out they can cook their lunch and dinner straight off the countertop, although that of course is offset a bit by the increase in cooling fan usage.  Stocks in companies such as Mistral and Goldair will have reached all-time highs, with peaks to match that of thermometers.  The humidity certainly isn't making things much better, either, with "muggy" being too mild a word to accurately describe the sensation of being cooked alive inside and out.

And then comes autumn, and finally, winter.  We will all have forgotten about how hot it was during the summer and pine for those temperatures while we are whining and moaning about being colder than a frog's bellend.  Seasonal amnesia will render us oblivious to the fact that months earlier we were sweating like a bushpig in labor and fantasizing about setting up camp in the refrigerator.  Thinking about roasting on the beach will bring a warm and fuzzy feeling to some of us, albeit without the actual warmth, or should I say, the encroaching heat.  All of this, of course, likewise applies vice versa - right now, even the words "winter comforter" will instill dread and horror in the most visual-thinking types.  For us of the taxonomic classification Animalia, Earth is a fickle place.  And we humans are a macabre species.



This post first appeared on Dave Hates That, please read the originial post: here

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Heatwaves

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