Rebuilding Your Confidence & Self Esteem After A Toxic Relationship
By Brittany Cherrell
You know, those relationships where you are still racking your brain wondering why you stuck around for so long?
Those relationships where you were always at fault, and you felt like it was your job to fix the other party?
Yea, been there too
Now, there are various reasons why we put up with the narc, or the verbal abuser (amongst other things) and it may be for good reason!
Maybe we have small children and don’t want them to deal with divorce or separation too early.
Maybe we don’t see how we can make it on our own alone. Whatever the reason is for you it’s safe to say whenever you make that jump to free yourself and demand more…
It is SCARY!
This blog is all about being authentic with ourselves as women. It’s okay to have those negative emotions without judging ourselves.
The key is to feel them, but not to stay there. If we do we can allow a period of time in our life to define it in its entirety.
This is not what you want for your future. To allow someone else to define how the remainder of your life can be more damaging than the then toxic relationship itself.
But HOW do you do it?
How do you go through a period of time where your Confidence and self-esteem are plummeting, and the support system you have is the one who actually has caused the issue?
How do you pick yourself back up and love who you are again while having the confidence to face fear, and reinvent yourself?
It is tough! However, I have done it and feel it necessary to share with you some of the strategies I used to become a survivor, an overcomer, and a woman who now has the ability to teach other women how to take their power BACK.
Here is how to regain your confidence and self-esteem after a toxic relationship.
“If they are not making you glow, glow alone”
Free Yourself From the shame of a toxic relationship & forgive
Everyone’s experience with a toxic relationship can have its nuances.
They are not all created equal however, there are many similarities in each.
It’s also important to note that a toxic relationship does not have to be a romantic one. You can have many unhealthy relationships like mother-daughter, father-daughter, sister-sister, and so on.
The important thing to understand is that if you don’t heal from those traumas they can manifest themselves in other parts of your life.
This is a tough load to carry when you are trying to regain your confidence and self-esteem.
“ If you want to free yourself you gotta get rid of the stuff that weighs you down.“
I’m my experience I had a romantic partner that had a knack for making me feel less than.
I walked around for years playing the comparison game, feeling like I wasn’t enough, walking on eggshells, and thinking something was wrong with ME.
However, once I left that relationship it was important that I took time to understand the underlying issue.
My shame and guilt for not being “good enough” was never about ME rather it was about his insecurities about my potential. His jealousy with my ability to not “need him.”
It was not my problem, it was his.
Once I truly realized this (and it took time) I was able to see myself in a new light.
I was able to realize that this person saw so much in me that they felt inferior.
This must mean I have something amazing inside, something special, and something worth giving to somebody else.
I was able to let go of the negative feelings I had toward myself.
I realized that this whole thing was never about me, but about the other person’s issues.
Not only did this allow me to ditch the shame, but it also allowed me to forgive them for not being able to handle their insecurity the right way.
We are all fighting an inner battle that nobody knows about.
Forgiveness is for you. It is not a matter of letting someone off the hook for what they have done to you. It is a matter of freeing yourself from it and refusing to let it follow you for the rest of your life.
Make a decision to rebuild you
Let me be the first to say that this stuff ain’t easy!
But it’s worth it
And in your quest to rebuild yourself you must make a decision.
None of this wishy-washy mess.
Positive life changes happen when you are intentional about what you want.
Nobody just ends up living a life they love. They decide how they want things to be and then figure out the decisions they need to make that are in line with that.
It always baffles me…
The woman that wants all the change in the world but whose actions don’t show that.
Go to the therapy, take a course, build stronger relationships, join the club, go to the bible study. Whatever is required to bring about the change you want to see.
You’re worth every bit of that!
However, you must decide! You must say to yourself this is the last day I allow myself to feel this way.
To not have any confidence about my future or love for myself. This is the last day, and today starts a journey to a new me.
Will fear try to stop you?
Will self-doubt play over and over in your head?
But that is what true confidence is. Doing it afraid, ditching that inner critic, and doing what’s best for you!
Start demanding more
This rings true in all aspects of your life, and even calls you to the mat too!
You’ve spent enough time taking less than what you deserve so as you move forward start demanding more from everything even you!
No more settling, not more allowing others to have a major role in your life without adding anything to it.
No more choosing activities that won’t bring any value to you over personal development, the list goes on and on.
However, it’s so important to be mindful about what is around you, and more importantly what brews inside of you.
All these things will play a major role in how your life looks moving forward.
I could talk about this topic for hours! I hope that you have gotten a little bit of enlightenment from this post.
I am with you…I have been where you are, and I am here to tell you that the other side of what is holding you back from rebuilding you is better than what is gone.
However, it’s time for you to “demand more” begin taking the steps to become the best version of you!
I have entire self-esteem and confidence course that will get you started toward success. You can check that out HERE.
I also have a FB group filled with women just like you on a mission to a greater level of confidence and self-esteem. Join us HERE!
I would love to hear your thoughts about this post!
Please rate and comment below.
Until next time…
So Many Blessings,
Level up Lady
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