So it’s been a while. Like, a long while. The last time I posted to this blog was March 15th and it was about breaking my ass.

Talk about being dramatic.

I took an unplanned break, to recalibrate a bit. I was feeling unmotivated and in a Weird, ‘what do I have to write about, does anyone really care what I have to say, do I have anything to say’ kind of place.

And I don’t say that for sympathy. I was just really stuck and trying to figure out what I wanted to do, really wanted to do as opposed to what I felt like I should do.

What am I doing here? What am I here to say? Why do I want to say it?

It didn’t help that I have been about to turn 40 for a while now, and although I am medicated for anxiety, I haven’t been handling it as well as I thought I would.

In a weird way it feels like an ending. I felt this same way Turning 30 and even turning 20. It’s an ending of a timeframe. It’s moving out of a space you’ve lived in for ten years.

When the first run of the Gilmore Girls ended, Lorelai was 39. In two weeks I will no longer be in original series Lorelai Gilmore years.

Age is a weird thing.

Things have been starting to feel out of sync. Did I do enough in my 30s? Am I where I want to be? Where I should be?

Mind fucks. Thank you brain for being you.

Oh, also I started a cleaning TikTok and it changed my life. Seriously, we had company over and they asked if we had a cleaning lady. I mean, technically we do, and she is me. But that is a high complement considering our main aesthetic in years prior was that of a fraternity house.

If you are interested in CleanTok, or curious about what it is, check out my account: @isuckatcleaning

So that’s what I’ve been up to for the last three months when I wasn’t Blogging. Going through an existential crisis and building a pretty respectable following on TikTok.

Life is weird.

But I’m back!

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