… Last Friday, as I lifted my black americano coffee cup up to my blacked out lips (I am so goff innit), the below message revealed itself to me.
Um, yeah I know that it is the tagline of the coffee shop, but c’mon let me enjoy my serendipitous moment for a minute!
“Leave the herd behind” … I couldn’t help but cackle when I read this, as on that particular day, the topic of my long meditative walk (which also had a booty slimming element, let’s be real here) was about reflecting on the various decisions I’d made this year, and what they meant for the following year …Which is actually in a few hours here in the UK!
When the world around you revolves a certain way and you are constantly evolving the other way, the pressure of living feels intense and sometimes, unbearable. But at the same time, it feels right. Walking against the blowing wind is not easy, but at the same time, if you are walking in the right direction, it feels worth it and satisfying in the long run, when you finally get to your final destination.
And that is how I feel on this 31st of December of 2019.
For instance, this year, I fully embraced my introverted, anti-bullshit side. I do not feel guilty anymore about not entertaining some people. I do not feel like I have to keep pretenses up when it actually makes me go mad internally. I have always known who I want to have as a friend and who I don’t want, who I want to share my madness with, and my ups and downs, but with social media and peer pressure, you are pushed into accepting a gazillion of strangers online, and ultimately I really dislike it. So I went onto full Marie-Antoinette copycat mode and chopped a lotta heads [figuratively, I ain’t Al Qaeda]. I am ready to start again and be more mindful as to who I interact with.
As a blogger, I feel completely fine having a very limited social media presence, because I don’t give a fuck about impressing brands or people. This was never my goal, and will never be. I make my own money and can buy my own stuff. I also don’t like generic aesthetics, so to peddle a single brand would go against my passion, which is to create a composite style and have fun with different pieces. Don’t get me wrong, if and when I meet sellers or brands I personally like, I will be the first to shout them out; as it has happened in the past. But as stated previously, I really dislike the whole Goth for Cloth movement which is seeping through social media. It is not genuine and feels inorganic.
My goals with this blog are simple, and are not based in anything other than sharing my take on life as an exiled wierdo with a taste for the darker and heavier side of things (man I do love krispy kreme donuts).
Somehow, sometime in 2018 I lost control of a lot of things; some due to external circumstances (NEXPLANON, MY FAT ARSE AND I CURSE YOU!), some due to me not standing up for my inner self, and acting like a normal sheep. To my own defense, I don’t think I overstepped in territories I would be ashamed of, I just did not fight hard enough.
But I am a Black Sheep.
I have always been. I have never like social groups, I have never fit in groups, I have never enjoyed cliques and I like wierd shit. I like travelling alone and reading about esoteric stuff or global conspiracies on a cold winter beachfront. I like walking at night for hours. I like taking photos at odd angles whilst my playlist shifts from Sister of Mercy’s “More” to Iron Maiden’s “Powerslave”. I don’t give a fuck about a ‘career’ or socialising at work. I don’t give a fuck about free asspats online. I don’t care about getting a free pair of tights at London Edge. In fact, one of the things I liked about London Edge when I used to go, was that the focus was on business – and I really enjoyed meeting new people and brands, NOT to take a gazillion selfies and promote myself like the circus it has become, but to discover new things. Last time I attended was awful, not only did I get stood up twice, but most alleys were taken over by self-promoting people. So I am not going this year, as the happy contrarian I am.
And I am finally happy and content with it.
I hope that you also find peace and contentment in yourselves for this new year to come.
Happy New Year 2020!!