Many people believe that Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is never going to work out. I, for one, am not one of them. I believe the distance between the individuals doesn’t ensure the downfall of the relationship. Your family may discourage it, and some of your best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken.
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard — The Scientist (Coldplay)
But ironically, The extra distance makes many things achievable and ramps up their value. Although things could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times (and you mostly will), the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest. Being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small often overlooked important things suddenly mean so much more in a long distance relationship.
Surviving a Long Distance Relationship teaches us a lot of important life lessons. Long distance relationships are a test of patience, communication, proximity etc.. Its the test of everything that we take for granted in a normal relationship.
The aforementioned things, holding each other’s hands, going on random impromptu mini dates, the involuntary sniff of the each other’s hair when you hug, all these things happen in our day to day lives without we giving it a second thought. However, when these things get taken away, we realize that these little crumbs are what made the base of our relationship stronger. It is in an LDR that we realize, these little things gave us an outlandish amount of happiness.
Everyone has their own opinion when it comes to long distance relationships. I’ve seen people make long distance work, I’ve seen people break things off just because it was too hard or because they didn’t want to fight. They wanted something easy.
I believe that because you get physical WAY to early in a relationship, it becomes hard to survive in LDR. This makes the relationship burn out before it has run its course. Physical romance in a relationship should happen once there is enough love, affection, and trust amongst the individuals.
One of my best friends started his relationship when they were miles apart, in other words, they started out Long Distance. And are still going strong.
I know its cliché to say the miles are just a number when it comes to matters of the heart, but it’s quite true in cases where both of them fight to survive, fight to keep each other happy and at the same time trust each other completely that he/she won’t cheat on them.
You can be present in any LDR by talking to them daily, even if it is just for a couple of hours a day or so. It’s perfectly okay. The most important thing to remember is that You won’t be talking as much. The sooner you accept that the sooner you will be able to handle anything that comes your way. And it’s not like things won’t change, short talking span is not permanent. Both of you will find and make time to talk.
Tell them about your day, the people you meet, the fun things you did, and at the same time tell them how each of those things made you think of them, made you miss them. Trust me, this takes the sting out of not being able to be with each other every day. Plus it’s not like it will be complete radio silence throughout the day. You will have Small messages, check-ins, and other minor things on WhatsApp and other instant messaging services, no doubt.
Also nowadays, with the advent of Video Calling everywhere, you can instantly make the day of your partner better. Much Better. Even just 5 minutes of seeing your partner smile and be happy make us forget about all the hardships, even if it is just for a little while.
I am not saying that having a Long Distance Relationship will be easy. It won’t be. You will face challenges and hardships on every step, but keep in mind, these hardships are going to be the very tool that crafts your stronger-than-ever relationship.
Hardest part/s of the Long Distance Relationships:
Relationships are nothing without trust. But in LDR, trust plays an even more important role. In a geographically close relationship, in a relationship where you see each other every day or multiple times a day, you know what is going on in their life, you know what the other person is doing. However, in an LDR, there is absolutely no way of knowing what the other person is doing or going through.
This is where Trust comes in. You have to trust your partner to tell you everything that matters, be it good or gut-wrenching. You have to trust them enough that you can be sure that they won’t cheat on you.
- Constant fear.
Many days, There will be a nagging fear of “am I wasting my time?”. This feeling usually shows its ugly head after a falling out or a petty quarrel blown out of proportion. You will feel the urge to give up on the relationship after a big argument, you will want to settle for something that is easy. Its nothing to be ashamed of, its only human nature to have something that is comfortable and readily available.
After that, It is your choice, whether to work on that insecurity and trust that person or to suspect everything that they tell you. If the person is the right person for you, and they feel that you are right for them, they will make their best effort to make you feel safe in that relationship. But if the person is pretty much like you, then the constant nagging and interrogation will drive them further away, drive them into the arms of someone else.
- Arguments and Miscommunication.
Arguments in LDR will happen more frequently than the alternative relationship. I am not saying don’t argue. It’s not possible. You need to find a way to argue productively. This means no excessive yelling over jealousy, insecurities and not being able to see each other frequently.
Why do people fight more in LDR?
Arguments in an LDR happens because the people involved keep their feelings hidden, thinking that voicing them will create more problems and make things much harder than they already are. And in most of the cases, the initial spark of argument is a simple menial reason, often ignored in a standard relationship, but the kindling to that are the insecurities and the suppressed sadness.
In spite of all these challenges and hardships, I will still preach LDR.
So, Why am I a strong supporter of Long Distance Relationships?
This is one of the best quotes I have ever come across that perfectly describes my beliefs. It perfectly captures the core reason that makes me a strong supporter of and makes me have unwavering faith about being in a Long Distance Relationship.
Being in a Long Distance Relationship has its own benefits. No, I’m not going to cite the clichéd quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”.
There are many exclusive advantages to being in a Long Distance Relationship.
- The knowledge that if you survive the distance, your relationship can survive anything.
This gives us immense confidence when dealing with any problems that may come our way, Together. Forced to be apart is one of the worst situations that a couple can go through. And if you can survive the worst, you can survive almost anything. And I can vouch for that statement because I speak from experience. I myself have been through many testing situations and came out strong from the other side.
- Long distance relationships are a lesson in effective communication.
Long distance couples try harder than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy, and their efforts do pay back.
While talking the other person can automatically understand what you are saying even if you suck at explaining it. This is because they know exactly what happened to you, around you etc. They don’t need much explanation from you because chances are they already have thought of a possible solution for you. But in an LDR, this isn’t the case. You have to communicate exactly what you want to say. You can’t rely on them to glean the meaning from your body language.
- It trains you to be more independent in your relationship and IRL.
Living apart from your partner is a great way to preserve the essence of who you are even though you are in a relationship. This helps preserve the part of you that attracted your partner. This preserves the Spark. You have your own friends, jobs, and social life. This is especially critical for younger, immature couples (high school and college age) who haven’t yet cemented their independence in the “real world.”
- The relationship is more than physical.
Being in a Long Distance Relationship, forces you to be more emotionally involved than just being attracted to others person’s external beauty. When you have been together for a while now, and are used to being physical, it gets difficult to be celibate for some time. However as painful as celibacy may be (and believe me, it can get hard — no pun intended), you rarely have to worry that your significant other is only putting up with you for physical romance.
- The Trust grows exponentially.
As I have said before, Trust plays a much more important role in LDR that it does in easy relationships. You learn to trust that person so much more in an LDR. And on a side, sillier note, you probably will talk almost all day so there won’t be time for you or your partner to find a “side-person”.
Yes, being in a long distance relationship is difficult, but when it is with the right person, it isn’t half bad. It teaches us a lot about ourselves, things we might not figure out otherwise.
To learn more about how to make a relationship last for a long long time, you can check this out: What makes Relationships to be Everlasting
So what are your thoughts on Long Distance Relationships? Do you feel is it worth it?
I say, Go for it, Go for LDR.