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Now, I know! Now, I’m late.

Now, I know I was wrong. Spending all this time by myself, I now understand everything I put you through. You were Strong and took in everything I threw your way. Calm as always. As you now do everything I did to you to me, I understand your endurance. I just want to say that I’m sorry for how I set things into motion. I'm sorry about everything. I tell this now because I never did and we live in uncertain times right now.

Many times, we met after it happened. I was really glad to see you still wear things I gave years ago. Honestly, I was happy to see you every time we met. I always tried my best to hide my feelings. I never really know why I didn’t try to talk and clear things with you. Talking would’ve solved our problem. I agree that I was hesitant to listen. How I wished that you talked to me for the last time before you made your final move. You tried hard. You waited for a long time. I told myself “A little longer.” I now realise that I pushed it beyond everything I was allowed to. 

When you made your final move, I was depressed and lonely. Nevertheless, I had to go on, because I had something important coming up. I always did that. What you did is justified given my immateriality towards you or your situation as I did everything in ways I saw fit. 

Now I know, What we meant and how strong we were together. We harmonised together. “Greater things are Waiting for you,” I said to myself while I always believed in sticking to my roots and being happy with everything I already had. You weren't really a part of future I imagined back then. I just thought of it as a phase. Now I know that it was much more than a phase. My ego was the problem all along. It clouded my judgement. I wish time travel was real. I would’ve gone a few months back when things were much better and tried to rectify my shameful mistake. Everyone gets got by Karma. I am too. 

I went against everything I’ve learned. Terming my behaviour indecent is decent. I know that I should be telling this to you directly. Since I do not have that chance now, I want to put it out there in any form I can. I find it difficult but just to let it out I wish that crying came more easily to me. I still treasure all those wonderful things you made for me. I want my final day to be in that tee you designed for me. Man our history? Man those days! 

Now, I'm late. I'm too late for all this. All this time I had to contemplate. I can only conclude one thing. I can never be loyal to someone else. You can never be replaced. As you’ve taken the ultimate step, I can only say that I'm waiting. I know it’ll be hard but I promise to work on myself if I’ll ever be given a chance to do the same. If you ever come back. I know I'm asking for a lot from someone who’s been broken in every way possible. I do not wish that you change things from the way they are right now. However, for the slightest chance of the Universe ever sending you my way, I won't be busy. 

I pray that you do not read this. If you do read it, please keep it to yourself. Bestowing sadness upon you in your happier times isn’t decent on my part and could be detrimental. I know that you are serious about everything. I do not wish for anything bad because it isn’t right on my part. Happiness is everything I wish for you wherever you are, whatever you do. 


This post first appeared on In My Hour, please read the originial post: here

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Now, I know! Now, I’m late.


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