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Why I Prefer Failing in the Eyes of Society Rather Than My Own

One reason simply being it makes my life better…

Photo by Elijah O'Donell on Unsplash

2008: High School -> College

I was pretty good in academics while in school. One reason being I loved learning and studying. Post-high school got into so-called-good college after securing good ranking. All were happy as I had stood ahead and proved I was a winner in the conveyor belt driven rat-race.

I was successful in the eyes of the society. But had failed in my own eyes.

A year back I had crossed paths with the magical world of Harry Potter and wished if I can have all the time to myself to explore and get to read such creations. Talk and know people behind it and even learn to create such worlds on my own. I had loved reading stories and writing essays in school but never thought writing can be a career option too. And there was no one to tell that it was a possible and feasible option, and then guide me into it.

Anyway I got into college and rest was misery. Next four years can be summarised as below.

Society — Happy. Relaxed. Supportive. All praising. In Celebration. Positive about future.
Me — Lost. Frustrated. Dejected. Angry. In Darkness. Disappointed. Negative about future. Distracted.

I can add more adjectives to describe those times but these will give a clue of what it was like.

I did what made me successful in eyes of the society. I believed it was right thing to do only to discover later that it was a journey destined to fail.
“photo of man face near brown wooden board” by Nick Karvounis on Unsplash

2012: College -> Job

4 years of college passed. Only good thing that happened was I read a lot of books and wrote few short-stories too. I had already fallen in love with words and the world did not know. And for that matter even I did not know. And like all stories I moved ahead in the conveyor belt driven rat-race.

I got two job offers and I took one. My corporate job started Dec’12. I tried a lot in months between leaving college and taking up job offer to get started with writing or some creative career but nothing worked.

Somewhere inside I did not want to go to office and wanted a setup where I can just sit at home and work (preferably write) away from noise of the world. Another reason being I would get time to read and explore a lot. I thought I had some problem with adjusting to real world but after reading Susan Cain’s The Quiet , Jason & David’s Remote.Office Not Required and Cal Newport’s Deep Work I was convinced I was right.

I tried hands at content writing(I had not even heard about design till then) but could not make anything out of it. Lack of guidance and valuable skill-set was at play. I gave up my dreams for writing and building a creative career and joined office.

Everyone was happy. A corporate job in a metropolitan city and good pay was all everyone was waiting for.

I was successful in the eyes of the society. But had again failed in my own eyes.

Next 44 months can be summarised as below.

Society — Happy. Relaxed. Supportive. All praising. In Celebration. Positive about future.
Me — Lost. Frustrated. Dejected. Angry. In Darkness. Disappointed. Negative about future. Distracted.
“person standing on middle of blacktop road during daytime” by Andreas Wagner on Unsplash

I can add more adjectives to describe those times but these will give a clue of what it was like.

I did what made me successful in eyes of the society. I believed it was right thing to do only to discover later that it was a journey destined to fail.

2016: Left Job -> ?

I turned the tables this time and began my journey to take back control of my life and career.

“MacBook Pro” by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

This was how SOCIETY was post my leaving job but I always knew I Was Destined To Leave The Corporate 9–5.​ What they were unaware of was that I did not Just-Quit-My-Job! I made a Conscious, Well-Thought-Out and Thoroughly Planned CHOICE.

I left my job and put aside offers in hand to pursue career in Writing and Design, something I had been working for quite long.

My evil plan was on for 2 years now and the implementation had started with me calling it a quit in August of 2016.

Two years post-leaving job can be summarised as below.

Me — Happy. Relaxed. In Celebration. Positive about my future. Joyful. Peaceful. Ecstatic. Focused.
Society — Lost about what I was upto. Frustrated. In Darkness. Disappointed. Dejected. Angry. Negative about my future.

I Played DEAF To Others’ Opinions and started Building a Life-By-Design by Being A Student Again​.

“person holding green clipboard” by rawpixel on Unsplash

I Persisted and today I am happier than ever. I have clarity about life and career, learned design via IDF and Udemy and build a portfolio, now doing a Freelance Writing course and jumping into it and writing more and more short-stories and articles on Medium. And also working on my design career in parallel.

I did what made would make me successful in my eyes. I knew in my core of my heart that it was right thing to do and now I discover that it was a journey destined to be a success.

Today I am successful in my eyes. And I really don’t care whether I am a success or failure in eyes of society.

BECAUSE IT DOES NOT REALLY MATTER!

“wooden desk with books and task lamp” by rawpixel on Unsplash

Why I Prefer Failing in the Eyes of Society Rather Than My Own was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.



This post first appeared on The Ascent, please read the originial post: here

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