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Always & Never

I’ve been learning a lot lately about my character defects. I have summarized that I am the following- “all or nothing, over generalizing, conclusion jumping, critical word using, self blaming” type of guy.

I have been studying a website called psychology tools, and I have been learning about my unhelpful Thinking styles, and I have learned that I have a lot of those styles. All or Nothing thinking, which if often also referred to as Black and White thinking, evolves around a notion and theory of Perfection. Meaning, that if not perfect, then whatever it is must be a failure.

There is never any type of fairness, or flexibility with that, and there most certainly is never any type of gray area. There is not any room to learn, because it is only a two sided spectrum. No middle ground. Do it right, Do it perfect, OR Do not under any circumstance try it.

“Perfection must be guaranteed”, which as we know, probably leads to a majority, not even bothering to try. It takes the entire notion of trying, and or putting a best foot forward, and giving it our best.

Over Generalizing is another unhealthy thinking style, as per the “psychology tools” website.

It is defined as “seeing a pattern based upon a single event, or being overly broad in the conclusions we draw.

Traits include literally thinking that “everything sucks” or a big one, is believing that we are “always victims” and success will “never” come our way.

Through my experience, and in my opinion, I have come to believe that there is one key thing about Over Generalizing.

And that is that, Over Generalizing can be our form of playing the victim. Playing the victim is like a giant anchor holding me down,with a ton of force, and it continues and continues to hold me down, to hold my own mind hostage….

….where I am a prisoner to myself.

We just cannot Over Generalize. We gotta keep our minds open, Gotta stay within gray areas, Instead of just black and white.

Unhelpful Thinking Styles also come faced with Jumping to Conclusions.

I think of myself when it comes to the two main points from the psychology tools website.

The first is that habit of good ol’ fashioned mind reading, which they define as imagining we know what others are thinking.

I’ve been guilty of that many times. I have learned that it has the potential to damage relationships by inaccurately mind reading. Clearly, we can create so many negative, & hurtful feelings about what the other is thinking.

A lot of that negativity can be falsely based, and being that so many of those assumptions are not even true, & not communicated, it becomes very easy to go off course.

Once that happens, we can be stuck with invalid perceptions, both in confrontation, and in positive relationships. The second part of that is Jumping to Conclusions. Another very quick way to create a lack of and or a miscommunication.

Always & Never was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This post first appeared on The Ascent, please read the originial post: here

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Always & Never


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