By: Dr Sabah Zafar
This is really a sensitive topic but after much rationalization and brainstorming I decided to write on it. May be much of you won’t agree with me. May be some going to criticize but still I have freedom of expressing my own idea and perception. Personally I don’t have issue with this but just to share my views and ideas I am writing this.
“Marriage” when we hear this word our excitement level starts rising whether it’s our own or someone’s else. Before tying a node between two people many factors are taken into consideration. Marriage is not merely a relation between two people it’s a bond which connect two families. Typical investigations that are made pre marriage decision are; what’s their qualification? From where do they belong? What’s their family background? In case of boy his job is considered too and when one satisfies all these conditions and are according to the families demand then they are ready to enter the marriage zone and are committed in this beautiful relationship.
But wait! what I think is we ponder over all those major and highlighting factors but have we ever considered what’s the reason of flop marriages? what is the root cause of unsuccessful marriages? No, I don’t think so. We actually realize it later and don’t consider this before commitments. And the leading cause is “Mind incompatibility”. If two people are not equally mentally compatible it will be much difficult for them to survive happily or to pursue their relationship.
Coming towards my main topic I will highlight this factor. I used the word Cross-Cultural marriages which means marriages among people of different cultures, different provinces etc. I have seen many marriages that occurs between two different cultures i.e. Punjab and North. Much of them are successful, some are compromising and some are done with it. In Pakistani culture women are directed to compromise in every situation whether if they are jovial or not, they have to adjust till death. Because if they will be back home what will society think? Quickly describing the pros and cons of cross-Cultural Marriages. Here I will Highlight the two cultures Punjab and North. After reading this decide yourself whether to promote this cross culturing or demolish. Discussing the pros of cross marriages
Diversity; it’s a prominent feature of exchange marriages. And as per my Mentor saying, Diversity is the key point to survive in today’s era
Medically it’s proven that exchange marriages produce more intellectual off springs and with much better immunity. They are more creative, Smart and have more abilities,
Eradication of misconceptions. People have created many misconceptions regarding each other’s culture unless they knot themselves in that culture and get to know the norms of that culture and nature of those people.
It reflects the changing attitude to cultures and exchange of cultural values , traditions, customs, ethical values, social norms and much more.
It is believed that these marriages broaden people’s mind, make them more tolerant and positively affect the family environment.
Their children grow more tolerant and well-rounded because they are taught to respect each person culture background. for example, children raised in cross cultural families have an opportunity to learn two languages which is a great advantage for their cognitive and social development
However, cons of Cross Cultural Marriages are the cultural differences that are barrier to harmonious relationships. These differences often arise later in marriage when the couple decides how to raise a child, what language to speak, how to build a career.
Mind compatibility is the leading con of cross cultural marriages. Because of belonging to two different cultures their different culture, traditions and rituals and concepts are sometimes become hard and difficult to accept by both of them and then conflict starts and mind gap raises among them sometimes leading causes of fail marriages.
All the excitement of newly culture marriage may soon fade when people learn about insurmountable differences in behavior and values.
As far as I am concerned, cross-cultural marriages can work just like any other type of marriage. The basis of marriage is love and respect, if these two components are absent, nothing else matters. I know that managing culture differences is challenging, but marriage itself is a challenge. Cross cultural marriages can be beneficial if people build them on trust, support, love and mange to appreciate their difference instead of trying to eliminate them.
The writer is a freelance columnist based in Islamabad.