Hello, my name is Vijay Mallya’s Haircut. Many of you know me as the one constant in his life. In fact I am so constant I haven’t changed since the 1990s. The reason for this is my obvious sex appeal. Let’s be honest – the ladies like a head of old-fashioned hair. It’s not my fault for being born beautiful so don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Unfortunately, like any one drunk on fame and fortune, I had got rather comfortable in my position of power. And why not? Unlike his wives and businesses I alone have stood the test of time. And I work hard for my money – do you have any idea how difficult it is to be the creepiest haircut second only to Tarun Tejpal’s Haircut? You would think this accomplishment alone would validate me but no – today I am practically an afterthought, fighting for attention, hair conditioner and my rightful place in the fugitive world. Why? Because out of absolutely nowhere, Vijay Mallya’s Beard has been making quite the splash.
You see VM’s Beard is inspired by the hipster movement, it’s what all men under the age of 30 are sporting these days. I begged VM to consider a more appropriate style of facial hair – something that would complement my age and the shape of his face but of course he wouldn’t listen and so here we are – old man hair and young man beard doing the best we can.
But the thing I am most upset about is my future, which at this time is about as shaky as Siddhartha Mallya’s acting career. While I look tough I am actually the opposite and need a lot of tender loving care to thrive. The water in England Suits my delicate nature, and given my advanced age I think the courts should consider this very carefully before asking me to leave the country. I hope VM’s lawyers are smarter than he is and get us out of this mess.
This stress isn’t good for me and makes me nostalgic for the good old days when I was the king of good times. When I used to be surrounded by beautiful women who somehow managed the pretense of liking me because they needed a job or a modelling assignment. When I was a simple Party Haircut from Bangalore and didn’t dare compare myself to Sir Richard Branson’s Haircut. Because quite frankly – and I am proud to say – I resemble Donald Trump’s Haircut.
DISCLAIMER : This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.
via TOI Blog
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