I’m laying in the dark under my bed covers with Mimi (cat) curled up next to me. I tried to nap but it was too difficult as I couldn’t settle. I’m not able to concentrate on anything. I just lay here exhausted and depressed. The root cause of this depression needs to be fixed. I couldn’t get anyone to consider my view point so it isn’t going to get fixed.  I tried so hard but I just got into more trouble. I can’t continue putting a plaster on my depression because it comes back twice as strong. It’s never knocked me down like this before. I need what I couldn’t convince others to give me. I can’t fully move on until I have forgiveness and things aren’t how they are anymore. I’ve been made to suffer enough for retaliating. I’ve paid for what I did (in ocd mode)/said. I’ve been tortured enough. And I was upfront about my disability traits from the start. I was led to believe none of what happened would happen. Others don’t get how emotionally painful this is for me. I am sensitive and it’s slowly destroying me. I didn’t chose to have the form of autism I was born with. My pda makes life painful enough without everything else being the way it is. I’m in pain every single day because of how things stand. I was born with a disability. It isn’t right to put sanctions on those born with malfunctioning brains. It serves absolutely no purpose but to cause more unnecessary upset. This depression is literally destroying me. Medication doesn’t help when it’s circumstances that need to be altered. Punishing me serves no rehabilitation purpose. You can’t cure pda as the only thing that helps is others making an effort to understand and work within the pda affects. Also, punishing me indefinitely isn’t any form of retribution. I’m going through the cps checklist here. It was never in the public interest to prosecute me. It is more in the public interest to work with my needs. And, as for making an example of me so others don’t push the framework of boundaries, there’s really no point now because I’m not an activist now. It’s all about abuse of power and I’ve been subjected to the authorities abuse around this area since I was at school. Cps goes after easy prosecutions because they get money for every successful prosecution. There are police officers around here past and present who emotionally abused us vulnerable adults by putting us through the criminal justice system when all we needed was understanding and support. If anyone actually knew everything that happened rather than listening to hear say then they’d see how horrendously I have been treated by the systems in various places. I’m the one that got labelled a criminal for retaliating against the lack of support and understanding.